


Secret Diary of Relationships

by whenmysoulsings



Series: Diary of Relationships [1]
Category: No Fandom
Genre: Death, Diary/Journal, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Foreplay, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Growing Up, Hand Jobs, Imagination, Kissing, Love, Masturbation, NSFW, Neck Kissing, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Public Sex, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, Sex, Sex in the woods, Sexual Fantasy, Shower Sex, Shyness, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, Very Secret Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-03-18 07:57:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13677513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenmysoulsings/pseuds/whenmysoulsings
Summary: Okay, that was hard. It's much harder as I thought to put in words what's so easy in your mind. I hope I doesn't sound so clumsy...





	1. Introduction

I‘m sitting in front of my computer and ask myself how to describe what you can expect of this series. Perhaps I‘ll start to explain the ‚why‘ before I can tell you the ‚what‘. 

Last times I thought about many people I‘ve met in the past years. I think thats something what comes naturally when you get older, have kids and so called ‚live a settled life‘. No, I‘m not dieing or am in the last years of my life, I‘m still young in my early thirties :) . 

Especially the men I‘ve met, had relationships with or just a night to remember, come to my mind and I wanted to share these stories like a kind of diary, though not all of these stories happened like I‘ll describe them. Some of them are true and some of them start with the truth and end with the imagination what could have happened or I wished to happen. 

Finally it will be a collection of the men I met, had or imagined to have sex with. 

I won‘t start with the classic ‚First-Time-Sex‘, because I was very young, both unexperienced…  
The stories begin when I started my studies at the university (note: okay, one year later ;) )

  
I was 19, not very tall and not very thin and not very beautiful :) . Though I was sporty this times I was still a little chubby – I was okay with that, but I was sure that everyone else (especially boys/men) thought that I was fat and not dateable.

I had very long and thick brown hair, these classic waves people describe in most of their stories when their characterise the hair, but most of the time the hair was in a bun or ponytail.

My eyes are dark brown and – what I still like the most - big and almond shape with thick lashes without even using mascara. I was sure that these eyes were the fair consequence to my body that stood chubby while I was in the gym 4 days a week ;) .

My voice is my second fair consequence. For me it‘s just my voice. But since I was a teenager people told me that I‘ve got a very pleasant and – when I got older – sensual voice. I was and am still surprised what people imagine how I look like when they hear my voice without actually see me.

I really was a normal girl, not very popular in school, not very special (except to my friends as they were of course special for me) with a normal background and family, living in a small town near the sea. 

I think this little description is enough to get a visualisation when you read the stories. I won‘t describe myself in the stories, because I will write them in the first person.  
I‘ll change all the names of the men, places and so on, just to save them and myself. I will call myself Amy 

Now, enjoy!


	2. Adrian - I

It was a warm day in June. I was in the second term of my studies and I slowly got used to the university, the people here and the new rhythm of learning in lectures. I was lucky because my best friend from school chose the same courses like me, so we still spend much time together. Of course we made new friends here. I was astonished how much easier it was than in school. It was easier because I was around people who were interested in the same things as I was. To be honest, I loved it also because I studied something with a natural science focus, so there were more boys around as girls. For me this was perfect, the boys were a little nerdy, what I really liked and as a girl I was special because we were just a few girls.  
  
We had lunch in the full and loud cafeteria as everyday. Dishes clashing and clattering, people chatting and chairs moving back and forth. The good tabled next to the window front were of course already taken and we had to sit at those large tables with at least 16 other students having lunch. It was very loud and crowded and not easy to have a nice conversation, but we tried our best.  
Nora picked one of her french fries with her long fingers and looked disappointed as it bend limply.  
  
„Listen“, she said, „some of our old friends from school will meet this afternoon at the lake. I think I‘ll go there after our last course. What about you?“  
  
„No.“ I simply answered „No bikini-time for me, especially in front of my old friends from school. You know how hard the swimming lessons have been for me. No, thank you!“  
  
„Come on! This was when we all were teenagers, the boys were insecure seeing so many boobs just covered by a tight bathing suit and we were too shy to be proud of our bodies. Now we are grown up and you look great.“  
  
I raised an eyebrow and shook my head. The boys at the table looked in our direction when Nora dropped the words boobs and bathing suits - I was not surprised! Whenever you want a boy to listen to you drop the words boobs, bra and sex while talking.  
  
„As much as I wish to come and show everybody how great I look now, I still can‘t come. It‘s Friday and I‘ve to go to the training.“  
  
I thought that this would close the issue but Nora was stubborn this time. I couldn’t understand why she didn‘t want to go alone. She had been more popular than me in school and most of the people there would be happy to meet her.  
  
„Your training ends at eight. You can skip the splashing in the lake and come later to the barbecue. No bikinis, just a mild summer night, beer and some good old friends. I‘m sure that some of our old friends will be there, too.“  
  
I still hesitated. I never missed any of the guys from school. Yes, there were some really good old friends I would love to meet, ask how they were* and Nora had a good point. I was no longer the (always) shy and unsure girl at school. The students here were different. They guys were nice, funny and polite. That gave me a lot of self-confidence. Perhaps this was the night to show the old guys from school this new side of me?  
  
„Okay you win.“ I finally decided „I‘ll come after training and ask my Dad if I can get the car. I can drive home when it is too boring.“  
  
„Some of the guys will stay there over night. We could share a tent?“  
  
„Ehm...I hate camping...you know that...“  
  
„Oh please, Amy...“  
  
   
  
   
  
   
  
I stood in front of the mirror in the hallway of our house. My hair still a little wet because I hated to blow-dry them too long, mascara in my hand trying to achieve a symmetrical result.  
  
„You‘ll get a cold if you don‘t dry your hair well.“  
  
My mum stood in the door case of the kitchen watching me. She wasn‘t happy about my idea to go to a she called 'wild party at a lake in the middle of nowhere'. I contemplated to tell Nora that my mum forbid me to go out but I had to admit that a little excitement had grown and I wanted to go to the ‚wild party at a lake in the middle of nowhere‘.  
  
„I‘m not sure if I stay there over night. Nora asked me to stay with her in a tent...“  
  
„Oh yes, you in a tent...“ my mum said laughing.  
  
„Thats why I take the car. If I stay over night I will sleep in the car.“  
  
That time I didn‘t know how uncomfortable it was to sleep in cars. I really thought this would be a great alternative to the tent…I‘m sure my mum knew it, but she said nothing ;)  
  
I decided to wear a jeans, a tight shirt with a beautiful plunging neckline and a casual thin jacket to cover my belly which was too noticeable under a thight shirt. Eyes, hair and cleavage; perfect to divert the glances from the rest of my body, up to the parts I was confident with.  
  
Mascara was enough make-up for me. I didn‘t like lip gloss or too much eyeshadow. I still wanted to present me the way I was and don‘t try to copy an incredibly beautiful princess. Just me with a little upgrade ;)  
  
I put the sleeping bag, a pillow and something non-alcoholic to drink in the car, in case that I really wanted to leave early and I was sure that everybody would bring beer and nothing ‚normal‘ to drink.  
The lake was not far away, just twenty minutes by car. The road was not paved and I drove slowly along the small road when I saw the lights of the campfire, the grill and the people standing around.  
  
I parked the car a little aside the lake. I breathed in and out slowly. I was nervous.  
What if nobody notices me?  
What if they notice me but no one talks to me?  
What if none of my friends are here?  
  
Nora – Nora told me she would be here. I got out of the car and I breathed a sigh of relief. Nora waved to me and I braced myself, smiled and gave a hug when she stood in front of me.  
  
„You came!“ , she said and I could hear in her voice that she was already a little tipsy. Her boyfriend, Theo, followed her. He was studying together with us. They met in the first few weeks at university and fall in love immediatly. They were so cute together.  
  
Theo gave me a beer and Nora told me about the things I‘d missed, who also came and we talked, standing a little aside the other people.  
  
Suddenly Nora pointed at someone arriving on a bike.  
  
„Oh, thats Jules. I have to introduce you to her Theo, come with me.“  
  
She took his hand and I said I would wait at the campfire. It was getting colder and I saw a nice free spot on a blanket next to the fire. Someone was already sitting there but there was enough space for both of us. He looked up when I sat down and I was surprised.  
  
„Adrian?!“  
  
The boy with the cigarette in his hand stared at me. I could see him thinking, but after some seconds he smiled.  
Adrian and me had been in the same class the last six years. He had thick dark brown hair and sky blue eyes. The combination of the dark hair and the blue eyes had been the reason why so many girls fall in love with him, me too of course. But I never saw myself on his short list and I've been okay with that.  
Nevertheless he had been a distant and quite boy on the other hand all this gave him such a coolness and mysterious aura in all the things he did.  
He had never been rude or mean to me or was arrogant. We hadn‘t been close friends, just classmates with nothing in common than sitting in the same room.  
  
„Amy, long time passed since we saw each other.“  
  
„Yes the last time was in school, I think. Are you still living here? Working somewhere around?“  
  
He offered me a cigarette but I shook my head.  
  
„I‘m not still here, I‘m here again. I‘ve started to study in a big city in the south, but after some time I realised that this is not the thing I want to do. So I came back a month ago.“  
  
„Okay, and do you have a new plan or something like that.“  
  
I bit my lip; I sounded like my dad when he asks me what to do with my life. But Adrian seemed not to notice my reaction and continued.  
  
„There‘s an opportunity for a job offered by a friend. He‘ll open a music store.“  
  
And then I remembered. Adrian had played guitar and loved music. Again it completed the picture of the quite but cool boy, black sweater, blue eyes and of course a guitar.  
  
We talked a lot. People came by and leave again but we kept on talking like two old friends sharing old stories. Sometimes I could not follow a single word because his eyes caught me as they did when I saw them for the first time long time ago. His voice was deeper, husky and warm and whenever our eyes met too long, I felt how my cheeks flush and I turned my face to the fire.  
  
I was so focused on him that I didn‘t notice how much time had passed. Less and less people sat around the fire until we were alone. Some people were going in their tents, some were leaving and some couples disappeared in the dark, behind trees and bushes. At last we were alone and after I‘d noticed it Adrian looked around and sighed.  
  
„I think the party is over.“  
  
He met my eyes and smiled the cutest smile I‘ve ever seen. He caught me and I was lost.  
  
„The fire is still burning, if you don‘t have to leave right now we could stay here a little longer.“  
  
Of course I said yes. Saying no was no longer an opportunity for me. And if he wasn‘t on fire like I was I could still have a nice conversation or admire him while he tells me anything, I would be glad only watching him talk. I was much too unexperienced to sense his motives that I didn‘t want to make the wrong move.  
  
After most of the people had left there was enough space on the blanket for us to lay down. He brought another blanket from his car and I found two pillow to lay our heads on. Some minutes later we lay side by side under the dark skys illuminated by the stars, as in cheesy romantic films, we both hate the most.  
  
„I saw Nora with her boyfriend. Did you find a shining nerd for you?“  
  
He smiled and I smiled back.  
  
„No, like in the good old times I‘m still single. What abou you, Adrian. I‘m sure – like in the good old times – you charmed off the pants of all the girls wherever you‘ve been.“  
  
„I did what? Whose pants?“  
  
„Oh come on! You know that all the girls in school couldn‘t resist your charm. You can not make me believe that you didn‘t notice that.“  
  
„And you?“  
  
„And me what?“  
  
„Your pants?“  
  
„My pants what?? Adrian…?“  
  
„Did I also charm you?“  
  
   
  
 * No Facebook in that time...


	3. Introduction

The question surprised me and if I hadn’t already been a little tipsy, I would certainly have responded better and above all faster.

“I...”

Curious, he looked at me and this look made me nervous and I found it difficult to find a quick response.

“So you want to tell me that _every_ girl was in love with me _except_ you...?”

“No...”

“So you...”

“Yes...”

“Yes what?”  
  
He asked me with a mischievous smile. Was he flirting with me? A warm feeling rose at the thought of it. The last good flirt was too long ago.

“Yes, I was one of those many girls who yearned to pine for you.”

I answered with an ironic undertone.

“I did not know you were in love with me. There have been many other girls whom I have noticed more easily or who have paid attention to me....I didn’t know that...”

“As if this could have changed a thing...”

“Perhaps if...”

“Oh no!”

I rolled over to the side and pretended to be outraged.

“You can not make me _believe_ that you were just waiting for a sign from me to take the first step in my direction, because you were so _insecure_ and did not want to admit your feelings to me or you were afraid the cool kids would make fun of you, if you had to admit that you were in love with the most unspecial, chubby and strange girl in school...come on, Adrian.  
This is not a cheesy romance movie. We never talked much especially about private things, we never met, and I never had any idea that there could be more between us than being classmates.”

As I spoke he also lay on his side and watched me closely. His expression became thoughtful and serious, which I initially didn’t understand. I didn’t want to offend him or postpone his behavior as a teenager. So I tried to explain it better.

“Please don’t look at me like this. It's fine the way it was. I was not in love with you head over heels. I was never disappointed that you didn’t choose me as your girlfriend. We were teenagers. Teenagers fall in love in seconds and they change their minds in seconds. I was never sad about it or mad at you.”

At first he said nothing. Silently he looked at me and I wished to know what he was thinking at that moment, but it was hard for me to hold his gaze for a long time. His face was too close so I had to fear he could hear how loud my heart beat against my chest. Although I had previously said that I didn’t feel anything for him, I worried that I was falling in love right now. I lay down next to him again, looking up at the sky trying to sort out my thoughts, laid my hands on my stomach and the steady rhythm of my breathing helped to clear my mind.

“You’re right.”

He finally said and broke the silence between us.

“We didn’t know each other and no one of made a step to change it. But I can tell you for sure that I never thought that you were strange or...what did you say...unspecial? Is that really a word? And yes, you didn’t look like the girls that teenage boys were running after...”

“...okay, you are honest...”

I said and raised an eyebrow, but he didn’t let me finish my sentence.

“However, that does not mean you were not beautiful enough or good enough for them. It’s exactly as you said, teenagers aren’t so complex, specially boys. You try to get the girl every boy is after, to show what a great boy you are. It’s not about the mind and soul of someone. That’s nothing you see or can show around.”

He looked at me while I thought about what he had said. It was true that as a young person everything was so confused, very superficial with little depth. Everything happens so fast, the moods roll over and you stumble from one day to the next, always busy with what others think about you and overwhelmed by your own feelings. At that time I was not ready to stand up for my opinions and thoughts. I just wanted to fit in as good as possible.  
Adrian laid down and we both said nothing for a moment. We kept watching into the dark sky full of stars, hanging by our own thoughts.  
  
Suddenly and for my own suprise, I felt his fingers softly touching my hand. Gently he stroked his fingers over the back of my hand, so that a pleasant shiver ran down my spine. Although my heart beat and I could hardly breathe, I tried to stay calm and wait. On the one hand, it was so clear in my mind that it had to come like that. Two people met at a party, talking the whole evening and now lay side by side under the stars. Where else could it have led than into this situation? Nevertheless, I was very excited and could hardly believe what was happening to me. It felt so good and nearly perfect.  
When I didn’t move my hand away, he took my hand and his fingers intertwined with mine. 

“You’ve changed.” 

He said and I cleared my throat silently to answer. My mouth felt dry and my voice was a little hoarsely when I said: 

“That’s true. But how will you know? You didn’t know me...”  
  
"When I remember you, I see you as a happy girl. You have always been very structured and reliable, never forgetting your books or homework. You have always been nice and friendly, but could also be sarcastic and ironic. And although you had friends and were not unpopular, in many ways you were very unsure. Never have you taken a step outside your comfort zone, you've probably always played it safe. I have never seen you in or around other people. We never met at a party or with friends. Our worlds were too different and there were no points of contact. We did not avoid each other on purpose ... I did not avoid you on purpose ...” 

“Me neither.” 

“What a pity...” 

I turned my head and saw him smiling impish.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“What a pity that we didn’t talk much at the time...” 

“Sweet talker...I’m sure your younger self wouldn’t consider me as a potential girlfriend if he had known me better. You’ve said it. It was not about the mind and soul, it was all about the body, boobs and … well … and status and...”  
  
My sentence was interrupted by a yawn that I could no longer hold back. 

“Tired?”  
  
I nodded. I didn’t want to admit it but slowly the tiredness came over me.  
  
“What time is it?” 

I asked and Adrian raised his left arm with my hand in his, so he could read his watch; so sweet... 

“Two o’clock, Madame. Do you want to go home?” 

His questioning gaze rested patiently on me. I didn’t want to leave yet. Despite the tiredness that made it difficult for me to keep my eyes open, I want him to never let go of my hand again . I also was curious. I wanted to know what this night and this chance encounter would bring. 

“I think it's too late to go home. Surely my parents are already sleeping deeply and I told them that I might stay at the lake overnight.” 

“Did you bring a tent? It might be hard to build it up in the dark.” 

“I’d thought about spending the night in the car.” 

“Are you sure? Have you ever slept in a car? I can tell from my own experience how uncomfortable that is.” 

“Better suggestions?” 

“Perhaps...I’ve a tent.” 

He pointed in a direction where a few tents stood in the darkness. In most tents it was already dark so it was hard to define which one he meant. I had a clear idea of where my commitment to sleep in his tent could lead to. And I wasn’t averse to the idea, on the contrary. I realized how much I had enjoyed the evening and that it had felt good when he took my hand. The reason for my insecurity lay elsewhere. Was I ready to have an one-night stand? Did I want to be so easy?

Adrian didn’t miss my hesitation, however he didn’t get impatient. Meanwhile, we stood up and while I was still thinking, he took my hands in his and tried to meet my eyes. 

“What’s going on in your mind?”  
  
I turned inside, I did not want to admit what was going on in my mind and how much he was involved in my thoughts and concerns. But the alternative of leaving now, letting go of his hand and not knowing what else could happen, and just for this evening. 

“I’m fine, let’s go. Which tent is yours?” 

I decided to ignore my concerns and followed him silently. A short time later we were standing in front of the tent. Adrian opened the zipper of the entrance, bent down and took a small lamp, which he turned on and fastened inside. I breathed nervously but finally slipped into the tent. On the floor was a mattress, which offered enough space for the two of us. Adrian disappeared for a moment and came back with the pillows and blankets we had already used at the campfire. Together we laid out everything, made ourselves comfortable and after a short time we laid next to each other on our sides, watching each other. Suprisingly I wasn’t tired anymore and still a little nervous. Adrian felt that something was wrong.

 “Listen Amy, if aren’t comfortable with us sharing the tent, I can promise you, I will not ravish you while you sleep. I won’t even touch you if you don’t wan...” 

“No...” 

“No what?” 

He asked softly and sincere worried. 

“No, Adrian...please...” 

“I don’t understand what...” 

I felt how puzzled he was was and that warmth my heart. I couldn’t resist. I got closer and kissed him, accepted all the consequences, the good and the bad ones.  
But something felt wrong. I knew that I caught him in suprise but nevertheless I didn’t expect that he wouldn’t kiss me in return. My heart sank, I felt horrible and emberassed. I couldn’t look him in the eye as I moved back, bit my lip and murmered silently: 

“I’m sorry, I...” 

But he didn’t listen. He closed the space between us with a quick move, hold my face with his hand and kissed me as I’ve never been kissed before. Not hungry or wild, as I expected him to kiss me. It was soft and senusal, slow and carefully. His lips so warm. I melted in his arms. A warm ball of joy, excitement and happiness jumped up and down in my stomache and my brain tried to believe what happened here righ now.

After a moment that seemed too short, our lips parted and he said in a warm voice. 

“But you said _'No'_ , what did you mean?” 

I had to smile when he asked me that. Did that actually keep him busy? 

“I wanted to say _‘No, please don’t stop touching me’_ ”.  
  
I realized that my cheeks turned red again and was angry about it because I did not want to look clumsy or insecure. He should not believe that I was not up to the situation. But there was no presumption or arrogance in his eyes, Just warmth and much more I wanted to discover.


	4. Adrian - III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, that was hard. It's much harder as I thought to put in words what's so easy in your mind. I hope I doesn't sound so clumsy...

Our noses touched when I kissed him again, still slowly and without any haste, eager to savor every moment and every touch to the last. Adrian seemed to adjust to my pace, his lips touched mine gently, his fingers brushing the strands of hair from my face over my shoulders to my neck where his hand rested. We felt our way to each other, took our time until I opened my mouth slightly and brushed his lips with the tip of my tongue. He did not ask for long, did not hesitate, and when my tongue touched his and a tingling in my toes rose to high in the tips of my hair, his hand moved from my neck to my hip and pulled me close to him. I swung my leg over his hip and he moved closer to me so that his thigh was between my legs. Even now there was no more space between us and still I tried to snuggle even closer to him. I wanted to feel closer to him, inhale his scent and taste nothing else on my tongue than him. My breath caught for a moment as his hand slid off my hip, grabbing my buttocks and squeezing. I sighed in delight into the next kiss and bit tenderly into his lower lip. 

There was no time to worry that he might find my butt too fat or that my thighs were not slim enough, his touch brushed away all that thoughts so I could focus solely on him. His hand ran over my butt up to the tailbone and made his way under my shirt, his finger tugged playful on the waistband of my pants and I involuntarily pulled my stomach in. A natural reflex in me and panic spread in my head. He would feel it, the fat skin lapping over the waistband and the soft, wobbly belly, which was not flat and taut. He would feel it, notice it and it will disgust him.

I stiffened and lost the rhythm we had, which Adrian sensed suprisingly fast and his hand remained on the waistband.  
I messed up everything, I thought as we finished the kiss abrupt. His questioning look rested on me and I tried to avoid it.

“Everything okay?" 

He asked understandingly and exactly for his understanding, his comprehension I hated myself. All this insecurity, the feeling that I wasn’t good enough, was embarrassing and I couldn’t and didn’t want to put it into words as not to give these damn dark thoughts more power over me. Not tonight...but I’d been waiting too long to answer. He had to misinterprete my behavior and eased out from our embrace and was about to pull his hand out from under my shirt. I had to react quickly and held it . 

"Wait." I said but still not looking in his eyes.

"Look, we do not have to go any further. Nothing, that you don’t want to do, has to happen. We can just lie down and sleep as planned."

He stubbed my nose with his , which made me smile and made me look up. I looked in his eyes for signs that might justify my insecurities and fears, but there was nothing ... nothing but honest concern, warmth, and questions.  
It annoyed me that I’d reacted that way and was not as laid back as I wanted, even though I’d known where it might lead if I went to the tent with him and I still wanted it, wanted him. My doubts faded in the next moment, I trusted in my instincts and put his hand back under my shirt, enjoying the goose bumps that followed his touch.

"Is this your first ..." he asked quietly and still hesitating, but I interrupted him and shook my head.  
"If you hoped that, then I have to disappoint you." I joked, hoping to save the mood.  
"So you want me to ..."  
"...to continue...yes…!" 

My hand slipped under his shirt and stroked his stomach up to his chest and I heard him breathe in sharply, his hands slid down to my hips and he pulled me closer to kiss me passionately. He stroked my back, slid down to my bottom, pulled my thigh over his hip, so that I felt a soft pressure between my legs. A pleasant heat rose in me and quickly I noticed that there was too much clothes between us that bothered me. Above all it was very warm in the small tent. I opened the zipper on my jacket, still kissing him, and tried to pulled it off. For short time he had to gave me some space pull the jacket of and I missed his touches immediately. As soon as I got out of it, he pulled me back, embraced me and our kisses were unsteady, like waves that rippled, then hit the beach and slowly pulled back for the next run. 

Almost greedily he bit into my lower lip, tugged at it softly and I couldn’t suppress a satisfied sigh. We were both breathing fast already, our arousal increased and while one hand gripped my hips tight, the other wandered up my back to the band of my bra and dragged it playfully. I wanted to give him more space to move his hands, as I felt that his hands had have enough of my back and butt, and so put my hand on the back of his neck and buried my fingers in his thick hairline. His reaction proved me right. His fingers caressed along the band of my bra, forward, remained briefly on my stomach and finally slipped under the last bit of cloth that separated his hand from my breast. As Adrian's hand covered my breast, my nipple immediately became hard and it drove me crazy as his thumb drove over it with light pressure. I was aware that we were not alone out here. The next tent was only a few meters next to this one, but I could not help but groan with pleasure. When I opened my eyes I saw how Adrian's lips formed an impish smile. 

It was like a rush of lust, kisses, touches accompanied by our breath, which was getting faster and shorter. He kissed my neck, bit cautiously into my shoulder and stroked, squeezing my breast, leaving no gap between our bodies. Entwined like tendrils, we lay side by side. My hip almost slid back and forth on his thigh and he raised the pressure between my legs. Still too much clothes, I thought, and as he held my face with both hands for a long, intense kiss, my hands searched their way down to his pants. Even as I drowned in the passion of his soft lips on my lips and found it the sweetest way to die, my fingers tried to open the button of his pants. Even then, I noticed the bump in his pants and his erection made me only want more. 

As I was about to open the buttons, he lifted the leg that lay between my thighs and spread it with my legs. Slowly, his hand brushed down my neck, down my chest, my navel, and also started to open my pants. I opened my eyes and saw that he had opened them as well. He looked at me searchingly and I paused, my fingers resting quietly on his half-open pants. He had already opened the button, pulled down the zipper with ease and neither he nor I avoided our eyes. The searching glance became arousal, as his fingers stroked the thin fabric over my cunt, and I stopped in excitement. The moment he pushed the thin fabric aside with his finger and dipped his finger into my wet hole, I closed my eyes and bit into my lower lip. I was already incredibly wet and my whole body sang to the notes of his song. I spread my legs to make it easier for him, as he drew small circles on my clit with his fingers and increased the pressure steadily. My hip moved back and forth on his hand, almost forgetting him and his needs.

He was in no hurry, his movements remained passionate and intense. I purred, sighed, and had to struggle for air between the kisses, so much did he take my breath away. Then finally my fingers remembered what they had actually gone down for. I concentrated on opening the next buttons of his pants and finally my fingers touched his hard cock. At last I elicited a moan that rose from his throat and went down in the next kiss. My hand slipped into his underpants and my fingers curled around his cock and I briefly increased the pressure to receive a renewed deep and sensual moan as a response, which turned me on. It was as if his tongue was everywhere, his lips on mine, on my neck and then on my mouth again. Our tongues in a wild game with each other, my fingers around his cock went up and down in the same rhythm as his fingers rubbed my clit, rocked into me and my hip, which thrust into his motion. 

So we floated up, took our breath away and didn’ t let us reach the climax. At first it surprised me, should it not be that the goal was the climax, but whenever I almost lost my senses, I gasped and groaned under his movements, he slowed down, steadily and kissed me tenderly and I enjoyed it. As soon as I reached him, my hand fast and tight around his cock, he held my hand gently, slowing down and calming his breath. I was reluctant to admit it, but slowly my arm began to hurt. Time for the next step, I thought and let go of his cock to take off my pants. But Adrian reacted differently than expected, and I did not understand what was going in , as he kept me from undressing myself. I raised my eyebrows questioningly. 

"Please don’t." he whispered and smiled mild. "If you undress, I suppose I can not hold back."

"Hold back?" I asked in disbelief. "I'm not undressing to keep you back." I replied and was confused. 

"I'd love to rip your clothes off and fuck you now and here, believe me, I'm just a man, and nothing's harder for me than holding back because you're so damn sexy, right here next to me and every fiber of my body, my brain wants you ... but ... " 

But what? I thought. But I have a girlfriend? But I'm gay? But you are not my type? But you are too fat? All these options suddenly seemed possible to me. 

"But ...", he said "... I do not have any condoms and if you don’t have any, then we should both stop right now." 

His sense of responsibility impressed me. He was right, of course. Annoyingly, I did not have condoms with me. And admittedly, another wave of fatigue overcame me as my excitement slowly subsided. 

"Okay," I said, what else could I do? "Then I would say we do what we came here for."

Adrian kissed me, my lips, my cheeks and my forehead.

"You are not mad at me?"

"Nothing that couldn’t be fixed with one of those hot kisses from you." and the next moment he gave me a sweet smile and kissed me again, long, intense and softly. 

I put on my pants and Adrian turned off the light and let some fresh cool air into the tent. Then he lay down next to me so that I could nestle close to him until we quickly fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where's the sex scene...??  
> I'm so sorry...sometimes rationality wins...but there'll be a fourth chapter with Adrian ;-)


	5. Adrian IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! This took so long but I had so much to do.

The familiar tone of an incoming text message woke me up. Still with my eyes closed, I reached under the pillow where I suspected the phone. Strange, I thought, the surface feels so soft. I opened my eyes and blinked in surprise. I was laying in a bed ... soft pillows, a mattress ... and a man ... Adrian ... was only a few inches away from me and he still seemed to be sleeping.  
  
How on earth did I get to bed? Where was I?

With astonishment I realized that my clothes were missing. Instead I wore my underwear and a shirt that didn’t belong to me and was a little too big ... a little too big ... .... then I remembered:  
  
Shortly after Adrian and I fell asleep in the tent, it had started to rain. At first only a few drops that had drummed softly against the tent wall, but the small rain shower had quickly turned into a huge thunderstorm. Without wasting any time, we’d packed our things and put them in my car, while the cold rain drops kept falling on us. It was a terrible mess and we were relieved finally settled in the dry car.  
  
It was Adrian who suggested spending the night in his parent's holiday house, where he currently was living, as it wasn’t currently rented. Besides, it wasn’t far away; I just wanted to take off my wet clothes and finally sleep for some hours.

It was still raining when we arrived and I was eased when the door closed behind us. Already in the hallway we started to slip out of our wet clothes. Since I had expected to stay in the car over night if necessary, I had clean underwear with me and Adrian had given me one of his shirts, so I didn’t have to freeze too much.

Oh yes, the shirt. The memory of this scene came out again...

He had just given it to me and I reached for it, but instead of putting it immediately I just swallowed nervously. There was this perfect scene in my head: I would put on the shirt and it would be way too big for me. I would look sweet, a little helpless and tender in his oversized shirt ...

But I knew: that would never happen. What if the shirt would be too tight, wouldn’t fit, would tear ... and as I continued to increase in my diffuse panic and staring at the shirt, Adrian had already picked up the wet clothes and only looked at me questioningly.

"Unfortunately, I have nothing else there, but the shirt is clean." he had said with a grin.

Even now, when I lay in bed and remembered, the situation was embarrassing for me and I was glad that Adrian hadn’t discussed it any further. He’d taken the shirt out of my hand, pulled it over my head - no it was not too tight - fortunately a little too big - and led me straight to the bedroom.

I heard Adrian snoring softly. So he was still asleep and hadn’t noticed that I was already awake and the beeping of the phone he had to have missed, too. Slowly, I opened the blanket and slid carefully out of bed. I grabbed my purse, lying on the floor next to the bed, left the room and just leaned the door not to wake him by the click of the latch.  
  
I looked around, recognized the hallway where we had changed. Adrian had brought the wet clothes into the room diagonally opposite, so I tried my luck and actually stood in a small bathroom. The clothes hung on a clotheshorse in the corner and a slightly musty-damp smell emanated from them.

I sat on the edge of the bathtub and got goose bumps as the cold porcelain touched my skin. Then I fished my phone out of my purse. I’d received two messages and even a call that I had absolutely not heard, I’d slept so deep. It was no surprise that the call and both messages were from my mother who was worried about me. So I decided to call her quickly. A simple message would’ve led to a call anyway. It rang only a few times when my mother answered the phone.  
  
I shortly described her how the evening had been and tried not to lie, but left out a few details, especially about Adrian and where I was right now. I said I was with friends - which was true - and that I would certainly come home in the afternoon. She was satisfied with that.

As soon as I hung up, I heard a knock on the door.  
"May I come inside?"  
“Yes, of course.” I replied.  
The door opened a crack and Adrian stuck his head inside. His hair was completely messed up and he smiled as he looked at me. Irresistible, I just had to smile back, such a cute guy!  
  
Only in his shorts and shirt he was sitting next to me on the edge of the bathtub. He had to be fresh out of bed, his skin still radiating so much warmth. When we arrived in the middle of the night, we had no opportunity to talk about all the things that happened. We’ve been too tired. The situation felt strange now. I wanted to hug him but I could not tear that invisible barrier of silence down.

Shy, we both stared at the ground. I had not imagined it that way. My entire experience of how such a morning should have looked like were from movies and series. And while I was wondering what I could say, I felt Adrian coming closer to me, pushing me gently with his arm, so I had to lift my head to look at him. He leaned down to kiss me as if there was nothing to say, nothing else to do. Even today, when I remember it, I admire his courage and carelessness, which in turn gave me so much self-confidence.

“With whom did you speak?”

He asked, kissing the tip of my nose.  
  
“Only with my mother. She tried to reach me and just wanted to make sure I’m fine.”  
  
“How thoughtful.”  
  
Adrian replied and took my hand. For him, the situation seemed to be very clear and unambiguous, while I was still struggling with what all this meant and where it might lead. In such situations, I wished I could stop listening critical voices in my head. Knowing how quickly and well he noticed my mood, I tried not to show it, remained a little passive and let him take the lead.  
  
"I neeeeed a shower! What about you?" He yawned and stretched, still with my hand in his.  
"Wanna shower?"  
"Of course!" I answered immediately. The smell of the campfire smoke was still in our hair, mixed with the rain ... yes, I really needed a shower.  
  
"Well then come on…"  
  
Adrian got up, pulled me up by my hand and led me out of the bathroom to my astonishment.  
  
"I thought we’ll take a shower?"  
  
I asked as we walked up the stairs. But he said nothing and just walked on and I followed him to a door, which he opened and indicated with a gallant wave of his hand that I should enter.  
  
I raised my eyebrow and followed the invitation ... and was speechless. I’d never been in such a bathroom. Very modern, chic and hardly used or only well cleaned? I couldn’t say it. The house was on the whole rather old-fashioned and not very modern. The bathroom was a foreign object in the hodgepodge of furniture and decor that I’d seen so far.  
  
"That's a lot better than the bath downstairs, isn’t it?"  
  
Adrian walked past me to the shower. In a modern design, it had no tub to step into and was at ground level with plenty space.  
  
"My parents want to renovate and modernize the house and fortunately they started here."  
  
As if rooted to the spot, I stood in the door as if I’d never seen a bathroom while Adrian was already pulling his shirt over his head. This turned my attention back to him.  
His upper body was not extremely muscular or trained. I liked his normal, natural body shape and found it very appealing how his chest hair thinned over his stomach and disappeared into his shorts. A delicious sight.  
  
I realized too late that I was staring at him and blushed as his hands hung on his hip and he looked at me in amusement.  
But I wasn’t discouraged. Before he could comment on the situation, I went in his direction, slipped out of my panties, collected all my boldness left, also took off my shirt and without batting an eyelash I went splinter fiber naked past him in the shower. I wasn’t quite sure, but this time his breath seemed to slow down; at least he didn’t say a word.  
  
I turned on the water and let cold water run until it finally trickled warm out of the shower head. Shortly thereafter Adrian also pulled off his shorts and followed me. The shower wasn’t completely enclosed in glass, but instead of a door it was simply open on one side. He stopped at the open side and leaned against the wall with his arms crossed.  
It was a strange feeling to be watched, but I was not as uncomfortable as I would have thought. I liked it and wanted to keep him watching even longer, so I tried not to look at him, but to pretend he wasn’t there, as if he was spying through a keyhole.  
  
It was more difficult than I’d expected: at the sight of Adrian, completely naked and so attractive, the idea to take a shower wasn’t so important any more...but I held back, swallowed softly and turned to stand directly under the shower. The warm water trickled on my head and I put my head back and enjoyed the water flowing down my face, neck and body. For a few seconds, I turned everything off, resting completely within my own thoughts and myself.  
  
When I opened my eyes again and looked in Adrian's direction, I saw him still and almost devoutly leaning against the wall and carry on watching me. For the first time in my life so far, someone looked at me like that for something I was so quarreling with. That gave me the confidence to reach out to him, grab his hand, and slowly pull him to me. Without hesitating, he accepted my invitation and allowed himself to be drawn close to me. Almost skin to skin, I took a small step backwards to extend the tension between us.  
  
He hadn’t expected that, but before he could react he was already under the shower and the water pattered down on him. He closed his eyes in surprise, snorted and I couldn’t suppress a laugh. Still laughing, I wanted to let go of his hand and inspect the little shampoos and shower gel from the counter on the wall, but Adrian didn’t let go of me and suddenly, he pulled me close, wrapped his hands around my hips and kissed me long and passionately.  
  
I put my arms around his neck and a shiver ran down my spine as I felt his skin on mine. His hand moved to my buttocks and squeezed it tight. The gentle pain turned me on and a sigh escaped my mouth. On my thigh I realized that his cock was getting hard and his kisses were hungry. He started to breathe faster, our lips just parted for short moments to catch breath and we continued kissing, our tongues touching and licking.  
  
Slowly he directed me to the wall and when I felt the cold tiles on my back I squeaked as I startled. He gently stroked my cheek and looked at me attentively, as if he was seeing something right now that hadn’t been there before and it enchanted me; I loved the way he was looking at me.  
  
My heart beat fast, his fingers slid over my lips, down my neck, down over my breasts and his thumb stroke gently over my nipple, which was already dark and hard. But he didn’t stay there, instead he continued exploring my skin with his finger along my waist and navel to the hip and the cheek of my ass, which he then grasped with both hands, lovingly squeezed and pulled me closer to him, so that I felt his hard length between my legs.  
  
He buried his face in the curve of my neck and kissed me lovingly, biting my ear tenderly, whispering:  
  
"Do you still want to...?"  
  
It took me a moment to understand what he was asking, I’d been lost in the moment so deeply.  
  
"Oh, yes," I whispered and the saucy vixen in me replied, "I really want to ... take a shower."  
His lips still on my ear twisted into a grin and his hands moved back to my waist.  
  
"Unless ..." I started the sentence and my hand searched its way down to his groin and covered his cock with light pressure. I got what I wanted when I heard Adrian moan deeply and put his forehead on my shoulder. Sensually my hand went back and forth and I noticed how his cock became harder and harder in my hand.  
"Except ..." I breathed "you have a better idea ...?"  
  
The harder he got the more I increased the pressure and the speed. He sighed, groaned and gripped my waist even tighter, burying his fingers in my flesh, and I enjoyed that form of resonance.  
  
"Okay ..." he gasped, releasing my waist to grab my hand, as if he needed to concentrate to form the sentence correctly. I stopped my movement but didn’t let go of his cock.  
  
He looked at me in bewilderment and a little confused. I just smiled.  
  
"I'll let you go, if you have a better idea than this."

I said cheekily and grabbed him a little tighter, and this time he bit his lower lip to suppress another groan.  
  
"Oh god, Amy ..." he mumbled "Keep it up and I forget my good manners and I'll fuck you right here in the bathroom, on the cold hard tiles."  
  
The idea intoxicated me, even now I was so wet and every fiber of my body screamed for more of him to feel. The way he talked to me, the things he said, straightforward but still polite and nice, knowing that he wanted me ... all this showed me a new, different side of me, which had previously been sleeping deep inside.  
  
His breath hadn’t quite calmed down when I put my free hand on his chest and pushed him away from me a bit, the other hand still on his cock.

"So if you do not want to fuck me, Adrian," I asked, raising an eyebrow "why did you ask me if I still want to... I'm a little confused, you didn’t want to go any further last night and now we are almost in the same place and I feel like I'm pushing you, and you started that, if I remember correctly ... "

In fact, I was a little confused. But before I could think too much about it, I saw how Adrian smiled lovingly, pulled me closer to him and kissed me. Finally, I released him and put my arms around his neck. It was one of those taming kisses, as I called them. The wildness, the hunger, all this faded a and gave space for dedication, gentleness and security.

He pulled me a little further to himself until we were both under the shower again. As the warm water ran over my skin, I felt how much I was freezing. The whole time on the cold tiles, around us it was already hazy.

"First ...," he said, following a small kiss, “I don’t want you to turn to ice.

Secondly, I don’t want your beautiful skin to hurt on the hard tiles,"

he gently kissed my shoulders and I chuckled as he last kissed the curve of my neck ,

"And thirdly..."

"Hopefully there won’t be another fourth and fifth ..." I interrupted, earning another stunning smile from him.

"And last but not least, I have to tell you that I'm more of a connoisseur, I ... we can do all this very quickly, quit very quickly, and obviously be happy with it, but Amy, I like it when the tension increases, especially when I like someone very much."

To hear that from a young man surprised me. But I didn’t show that and kept listening.

"When I say I'm not going to fuck you right away, I mean it. I'd like to take a shower with you and maybe …"

his one hand caressed up to my breast, squeezing it softly and then his lips closed around my nipple and he bit me gently. When he kept on talking I felt his hot breath on my hard nipple.

"... or I could try this …"

his other hand slid between my thighs, stroked me there and I knew he would notice how extremly wet I already was. I put my head back, the water ran down my breasts and I pressed my lips tight as hummed delightful.

"Is that a yes?" I heard Adrian ask from afar and felt him sliding slowly with two fingers between my fold.

Did he just want a long foreplay or did he want me to beg him on my knees at some point? The thought made me curious. No, I decided, I won’t beg. On the contrary, after this foreplay he would beg on his knees. So I took a deep breath, calmed myself, lifted my head and even as I looked into his eyes in amusement, I cupped his hand between my legs and pulled it slowly away.

"Any rules?"

I said rather strict and a brief moment of surprise in his face, but then he smiled and I saw exitement in his blue eyes.

"How about showering and ... try not to come here!"

And so it was. We took a long shower, we soaped ourselves, touched us, kissed and explored. Sometimes playful, as he soaped my wais t up and down where I wasterribly ticklish, seriously when we lost ourselves in a passionate kisses, breathing heavily and entangled in each other.  
  
His stamina was remarkable. All the young men I knew and had met so far wouldn’t have radiated such calm but used the situation. Although on the one hand it was so exhausting every time, when you were ready, to stop yourself, to drive down, almost disappointing sometimes, but it was surprisingly nice to start again, try something new, try something different and take your time.

I wanted to see how far I can go. Besides, my skin was already wrinkled enough. I broke away from a kiss, turned my back to Adrian and took a sponge. Finally, I bent down and pretended to wash my legs, knowing that he would have a good and sexy look on my butt. The effort was not in vain. Shortly thereafter, I felt his hands on my back and his cock between my butt cheeks. I gave myself a moment – he was the one who wanted a long foreplay – rubbing my butt slowly on his cock and I already heard him breathing in sharply. Then I got up, his hands slid forward, covered my breasts and dragging gently my nipples between his fingers, his cock was getting harder and I felt that he was also loosing his patience...finally!

"Mhmm ?!" I hummed innocently and heard him chuckle.

"After you like the bathroom so much," he breathed in my ear and massaged my breasts while I still rubbed my bottom almost inconspicuously on his length.

"I would like to show you the large bedroom up here."

His voice was rougher and deeper.

"Am I clean enough for you now, taking a shower for half an hour?" I joked with the last clear thoughts that were left to me and in fact he laughed.

"I won’t make any 'you dirty girl' jokes, Amy."

We turned off the water, he took some white towels out of a cupboard and while I tried to wrap and fix the towel around me, Adrian opened a window and a cool breeze blew through the haze.  
Conspiratorially, he took my hand and led me out to a room just opposite. There was a smell of color in the bedroom, the walls had recently been painted. In the middle was a large bed, white sheets, quite untouched. A bad conscience came over me to make such a mess in all rooms, but on the other hand I didn’t want to go back to the bed, which probably still smelled of smoke, mud and rain.

"Good?"  
  
he asked and dragged my towel, which was only loose anyway and now felt to the ground.

I just nodded and took his hand to pull him to me. His skin on mine, nothing seemed better at the moment. Satisfied, I inhaled the scent of his skin and got goose bumps as he gently stroked my spine. When our mouths found each other, we kissed and our tongues touched, he pulled me onto the bed and I lay on my back. Adrian knelt between my legs and kissed my skin along to my breasts, waist and navel, laying my leg on his shoulder, running his fingers over the inside of my thighs. It was ticklish, tingling and exciting at the same time. I was a bit ashamed to lie so openly in front of him, on the other hand, it made me so excited to see how relishily he looked at me.

Finally, he leaned forward, gently blew on my pussy and opened the folds with his fingers and even as I stopped breathing with excitement, he began to lick me with his tongue. First, his rough tongue played around the edge of my clit, finally kissed and sucked it affectionately. Even that alone elicited a buzzing and sighing and it seemed to me as if I noticed how his lips formed into a contented grin. With his two hands he slipped under my butt and lifted me up to have a better access. He increased the pressure, sucked and licked me, my heart was beating wildly, seemingly moving in unison with my quick breath and ever louder sighs and moans.

Then he looked up, wiped his mouth and again watched me as my chest rose and fell quickly and my fingers clutched the blanket with clenched fists, as if I were looking for hold in this vortex that carried me away passionately.

"Was I too loud ?!"

I could ask panting. But Adrian just shook his head, covered my breast with his hand and ran his thumb firmly over my nipple, which always led to a moan of pleasure from me.

"Please do not stop that, I want to hear you like what I do." and grinned meaningfully.

Taking the opportunity, I pulled him back up to kiss him, bit in his lower lip, caress his tongue with mine. His cock was already hard on my wet fold and I clutched his butt with my leg and thus pressed him closer to me. My hip moved back and forth and I felt like he interrupted the kisses for little sighs. I quickly had enough of rubbing myself against him; I finally wanted to feel him deep inside of me. My hand slide down his groin and reached for his cock, felt to my surprise a condom, and directed him to my already waiting and ready pussy.

I played on my clit with the tip of his cock, stroked up and down, and then steady it in front of my hole so he could slowly rock into me. Gently, he lowered his hip, propped up his upper body and watched me as I bit seductively into my lower lip, full of expectation and closed my eyes with a soft moan, when he had finally fully entered me. I could feel him growing harder and longer in me, filling me up even more, and his deep and rough groans were like music in my ears, turning me on so much.

Quickly we found a good rhythm and after our long foreplay and exploration, we were now ready for each other and without patience. Unrestrained, he pushed deep and hard into me, growling and groaning every time, and I answered with loud sighs. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I bucked on his next thrust. Adrian supported me and pulled me up into a sitting posture and received me with hungry kisses. He pulled me on his lap, holding his cock so I could sit on it. My hip circled and I rode on it with relish, he remained sitting, holding my hip with one hand and drove me to deep hard thursts. Excited, I watched him as he watched his cock disappear in me again and again. I held tight to his shoulder, almost clawing at his skin as he took his hand off my hip and began stroking my clit with his thumb.

I was electrified, as if out of my senses, and we almost groaned in unison. I could not get orgasms vaginal, so touching and pressing my clit was like the cherry on the cream for me, and I didn’t hesitate to bring his hand back to my pussy so he couldn’t stop to give me so much pleasure. Our breathing were getting faster, we sighed, moaning louder and I rode him faster and harder, his fingers rubbing my clit and I realized how he reached his climax with a deep loud growl and pulsed in me. I was very close too, my whole body was tense and prickled, he increased the pressure on my clit and with the last hard thrust I finally came, unloaded my feelings of happiness and sank slightly dizzy in his arms. Panting and fully satisfied, we lay side by side. My head on his rising and falling chest. I heard his heart gradually settle down and enjoy as his hand stroked my back.

 

"Amy?"  
"Hmm?" I purred and enjoyed the sound when he said my name.  
"How cheesy is it if I tell you that I'm glad that I met you last night?"  
I grinned and bit him lightly in his chest, causing him to flinch.  
"Ouch, okay I understand ... how about ..."  
Adrian slid down a bit so we could look at each other, our noses touching. Lovingly he stroked my cheek with his fingers, traced the curve of my eyebrows and ran his thumb over my lips. Very clearly and directly he looked at me as he had done several times, as if he could see what's going on in my mind.  
"Amy, do not go home this afternoon ... please stay …"  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------

What should I say: I stayed and even much longer than expected. We realized that we got along well, had a lot in common and so we fell in love and became a very happy couple. He stayed two months in which we met as often as I could find time and we lived in the holday house as if we were living together.

But then he had to move away. Adrian wanted to work in the music store of his friend and I didn’t want to quit my studies or give up studying here and find another university near his new work. As much as I was in love with him, and as much as I didn’t want a long-distance relationship, the risk was too high after such a short time with him to leave everything behind.

We did our best, he visited me, I visited him, but soon we realized that we both needed the closeness of the other to keep the fresh relationship alive. For another three or four months we tried everything to find as much time for each other as possible, but then we decided that it did not work for us this way. Peaceful but both sad, we parted, stayed in touch for a while and then kept on living seperate lives.


	6. Marvin - I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My work has eaten me. So much to do and so little time.  
> In addition, it has been difficult to me to find enough peace to remember all the things that happened according to 'Marvin' and get into the right mood while writing.  
> This part is a bit short, but still a good introduction to my story with Marvin.

The clinking sound of the hairpin as it fell into the sink bothered me. Desperately, I stood in front of the bathroom sink, holding a strand of hair in one hand and a hairpin in the other, trying to do one of those beautiful hairstyles I'd just seen in a magazine. Shortly after the hairpin,  the previously fastened strand of hair followed and was now in my face.  
I tried to stay calm, took a deep breath, my arms ached from this unfamiliar position and then all the other already tight strands loosened… …  
  
"Are you finally done?" My dad opened the door, stuck his head in so I could see him in the mirror. He straightened his glasses, wrinkled his brow, then hesitantly said  
"A new hairstyle, little one? Looks ... exciting and inconventional ..."  
"Do not say anything!",  
I interrupted him with a shrill in my voice. I took my make-up bag and the brush.  
"I'm done!",  
I said, stomping out and walking into the hall which also had a well-lit mirror and I just saw him shaking his head, muttering something and disappearing in the bathroom.  
  
My little sister was putting on her jacket. She also wanted to go out - after all it was Saturday night - and looked puzzled at me.  
"For half an hour you block the bathroom and that's the result?"  
Childishly I stuck out my tongue, I was too annoyed and stressed to answer something quick-witted. Of course, she looked stunning, in her high heels, her leather jacket, and her perfectly tailored red curls that fell casually on her shoulders. Her green-gray eyes shimmered even more intense. Sometimes mother nature was very ungracious in distributing the good looks. After all, I was able to shine with my intelligence, which stupidly did not help me at that moment, with jumbled hair and hairpins everywhere.  
She just grinned, took her purse and disappeared through the front door. Finally peace, I thought, put everything I had in my hand on a table and tried not to look at the clock, I already knew that I actually wanted to be on my way.  
Concentrated, I fixed the strands and held the hairpins between my lips to have both hands free.  
  
"Hey Amy, are you still here?"  
Of course ... my mother was missing as commentator of my personal hairstyling disaster. She came out of the living room with a magazine in her hand and eyed me critically .... no, not critical...she was worried.  
"Sweetie, maybe I should help you? When I was the same age as you, I always had problems with my thick hair, so wait, I'll just get the hairspray ..."  
"No thanks!" I grated with the pins between my lips. I had enough! The anger was already bubbling in me and annoyed I fished the hairpins from my hair and dropped them carelessly on the floor. I made sure I found every single one, brushed my hair and just left it open.  
"Nothing special but adequate." I mumbled and my mother added smiling  
"No, that's perfect!"  
She kissed my cheek and went to the kitchen. Quickly I put on some make-up, slipped into my sneakers and left half an hour too late.  
  
I got my bike and drove off. Nora was celebrating her birthday today and, conveniently, she was not far away from me – like me she was living with her parents - and although I could have walked, I didn’t want to arrive much later. The sky turned into a beautiful rose gold and I drove towards the setting sun. It was mid-May and already very summery. I'd opted for a knee-length lilac skirt, a pair of leggings in my bag if it got too cold, and a white, tight shirt under my sweat jacket. After ten minutes I was driving up the way of Nora's house and already hear the music and smell the flavour of grilled meat in the air. My mouth was watering. I put my bike under the carport and followed the scent behind the house to the garden.  
Nora's father stood by the grill and nodded in greeting.  
"She's back there." he said, pointing in the direction of the fence separating the garden from a neighboring small forest in which we had played when we were little. I already saw her, in a breezy white sundress, her skin already naturally tanned - while my skin was still white as mozzarella - and her hair pinned up to the knot that I had desperately tried to style.  
  
Nora just put down a stack of plates as she turned and saw me. We happily gave us a long hug, as if we hadn’t seen each other for a long time although I’d already met her today to bring her her present. Of course I didn’t want to wait until the party to give it to her.  
  
"I'm a little late, I'm sorry. Can I still help with anything? "  
"No problem, the guys came earlier and did most of the work," Nora said, meaning our friends from the university.  
"Can you maybe get some more cups? They should be in the kitchen. ", she said and pointed to the open terrace door.  
"Sure, of course!"  
  
My mood lifted. I’d been looking forward to this evening all week, it was pleasantly warm, our friends were there and the week had been exhausting enough. I heard my favorite song and in passing by the music system I put it a little louder and went humming across the terrace into the house directly into the kitchen. I knew the house like the back of my hand, after all, when I was a kid, I went here in and out.  
  
The melody still in my ear and with the stacked cups in both hands, I turned around and collided with someone prombt. The tumbled cups fell from my hand and spread on the floor.  
"Seriously ...?" I grumbled and looked at the offender standing in the way ...  
"Hey cutey!"  
The culprit was Paula, a student whom I had very fond of. I loved her shrill and childish nature so much. It was her who brought to light many of the traits I have today (much to the chagrin of my colleagues).  
  
"You are already here? I thought I was invited earlier to help Nora, but apparently everyone is already there to set up the party they were invited to and only I'm late."  
  
Paula just grinned and helped me pick up the cups. While we were searching for the last cups under the kitchen table, she whispered conspiratorially in my ear.  
"Marvin also came… …by the way."  
I started, poked my head at the table, and cursed.  
  
"I thought he was going to his parents over the weekend? "  
We crawled out from under the table and piled the cups on top of each other.  
"Apparently he won’t go until next weekend. Not happy? "  
  
This question was not easy to answer. The thing with Marvin was complicated.  
Among the many boys in college, he was one of those who stood out for his good looks, or for a look that many girls found attractive. He was athletic and, unlike many of the others we knew, had a short haircut and was always well groomed. It may sound strange to someone reading this story and wondering why a short haircut and a neat appearance were so special. In fact, in the field of study that I had chosen, most of the boy, after leaving their parents' house, were rather dull, left their long beards and hair, and even found little opportunity to do their laundry. All these guys were cool people I got along with. Still, these were not boys I wanted to get closer to physically. That's why the few 'normal' boys were noticed so much, just like Marvin.  
  
I knew him only superficially. Although we had the same friends and studied together, but our previous conversations were only general nature: about the study, the exams and our friends. Still there had been no opportunity to talk about personal things.  
I knew that he was in various sports groups and liked to sail, but that's about it. Nevertheless, I had a crush on him a little.  
He was not only handsome, but also funny, smart and cute, but also a bit naive. I could not explain otherwise that he hadn’t yet noticed that some girls had their eyes on him. Either he made us fidget because he hadn’t shown any interest in either of us or he was too shy. Luckily, the other girls, like me, hadn’t made a move. So far, we all crept around him, waiting for a good opportunity.  
  
So at last I was pleased that Marvin was here tonight, because at last there could be a situation where we could talk a little bit more to see if there could be anything between us.  
Paula and I carried the cups and when I crossed the threshold into the garden I saw Marvin standing at the shed in some distance to us. He carried a beer crate so I had a beautiful view on his arm muscles and he talked to a friend. Finally he put down the box and stroked his dark blond hair back  with his hand so they would not fall over his face too much.  
I swallowed at the thought that perhaps one day I could stroke my fingers through his har... quickly I averted my eyes and turned back to the preparations of the party.  
  
The party was great. Although the sun had already set, it was still very warm and so we sat full, slightly drunk and cheerful around a small campfire. Surprisingly, it had turned out that I had spent a lot of time with Marvin. We sat by the fire side by side for a while, chatting, laughing and feeling as if strong sympathy between us.  
For the first time, I’d the feeling that this sympathy was reciprocated. His bright blue eyes shone and was always smiling at me. The many small moles on his face invited me to count them with my fingers. Again and again there were moments in which we looked at each other for a long and intense time, interrupted only because someone spoke to us or I couldn’t stand the tension. There was something and the others seemed to notice. It seemed to me that Nora and Paula were watching closely what happened between him and me. So I did not imagine it ...?  
  
Again, a moment came when our eyes met, and I lost patience. With a wild heart, tingling in my stomach and all the courage I had, I leaned forward, took his hand and kissed him. I only heard how the conversation around us suddenly stopped but then, suprised by the fact that he returned my kiss, I  kept on kissing.  
The bitter taste of the beer in my mouth as our tongues met briefly remind me of what had just happened and that we were not alone. As jaunty as I had stumbled into the kiss, so quickly I pulled back, with blushing face and avoiding the eyes of others, I looked into the fire. I didn’t dare to look up or see Marvin. What did I do? What the hell was I thinking??  
  
  



	7. Marvin II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The very talented lonicera-caprifolium made this wonderful picture at the end of the story for me.   
> https://lonicera-caprifolium.tumblr.com/

It was Paula who broke the silence and saved me from this embarrassing situation.  
"Who else wants a beer ?! Come on, Amy, we'll get some. ",  
She said and without looking into the frozen faces of the others, I got up and followed her. It felt like I was going to cotton wool, as if my brain were quite sluggish and still busy processing the things that had happened.  
In the kitchen Paula closed the door and I sat dazed on a chair. The door opened again and Nora slipped through.  
  
"What the hell happened ?!",  
Paula finally asked and put her hands on her hip. Nora stood in the doorway looking curiously at me.  
"I'm not so sure."  
I answered honestly.  
"Somehow it felt right ... I can not explain, I thought ... I'll try and see what happens...?"  
I couldn’t explain it better. The kiss had been quite impulsive, almost instinctive.  
  
"And it worked! Wow, Amy !! "  
Paula laughed and hugged me and right after that Nora hugged me, too.  
  
"And, did he return the kiss?",  
Nora asked as I tried to collect myself.  
"Somehow ...",  
I stammered and tough I knew it very well. He’d returned the kiss. After the brief moment of surprise, I felt the pressure of his lips on mine, felt how we opened our lips and touched our tongues tentatively. Embarrassed, I smiled but I was also full of joy and happiness and surprised at my own courage. I ... no, we had kissed each other.  
  
"Come on!"  
Nora opened the fridge and handed each of us a few bottles of beer,  
"We should go back. Marvin is certainly waiting eagerly. Don’t think about the reaction of others. We were all just surprised. Maybe you are looking for a quieter place to continue smooching. " ,  
she said with a big smile.  
  
More kisses ... I couldn’t wait to get closer to him again. Excited but full of confidence, I followed Paula and Nora out past the other guests, who were talking and had not heard or seen anything of what had happened, back to our group by the fire.  
I suppressed the impulse to look shyly on the ground. It shouldn’t look like the kiss was a mistake. I wanted to stand over it, as if I’d known what I’d done there.  
  
The situation was relaxed when we arrived, everyone was talking and although I realized that everyone was paying attention to Marvin and me, when I sat next to him again, I could stand the situation well.  
But there was one more thing left to do ... looking into Marvin’s face. I had avoided that so far, for fear he might react dismissively or change his mind ... the usual demons whispering to me.  
My concern was unfounded. Marvin immediately put his arm around me as I sat next to him, handed me a beer he had opened and smiled brightly at me. My heart beat with joy; everything will be fine.  
  
We sat by the fire and I listened to the talks only half-heartedly. I wanted to be alone with Marvin and intensify the kissing. I didn’t dare to make out with him around here in front of everyone else again. But how could I lure him away without attracting too much attention?  
I waited for an opportunity when everyone was engrossed in their conversation and we weren’t in their focus, to bow to Marvin and whisper softly in his ear. Then I kissed him on the cheek, got up and strolled in the direction where the small table with the snacks stood. Only a small lamp on the table glowed weak ... ideal for me. I turned to make sure nobody was looking in my direction and snuck to the shed to hide behind it.  
A short time later I heard footsteps approaching the table and, luckily, recognized Marvin.  
  
"Psssst…. here!"  
I hissed.  
Like me he made sure not to be seen and then came to me with a grin.  
He held out his hand and I pulled him a little way into the darkness, to a place where we wouldn’t be discovered immediately.  
Excited, I leaned against the shed, looked up at him and waited. I would’ve liked to take the first step and kiss him. But now I needed a confirmation from him that he wanted it just like me and he wasn’t too drunk to fight back. Here, hidden from all the others, he could escape the situation, tell me what he wanted to say without the others being able to rate it.  
My patience was not strained too long, on the contrary. To my delight, he bent right down to me and did what I longed for. Carefully, he put his lips on mine and we kissed. Marvin was very careful and gentle. His kisses felt inexperienced, but he was not lacking in curiosity and enjoying trying new things. Perhaps it has been a long time since he’d kissed someone?  
  
I heard voices and footsteps coming in our direction. I froze, released myself from the kiss and put my hand softly over his mouth. As the steps came nearer, I decided to react quickly. I took Marvin's hand, carefully opened the door of the fence - praying that it was well oiled and thankfully it was - and slipped a few yards into the small forest with him. We hid behind a tree with a broad trunk. I crouched down and looked back. Some people were taking some snacks and where to busy to notice us. I turned back and looked at Marvin, who had crouched too.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
I whispered,  
"we can go back if you..."  
"No, no,"  
he answered quickly and I could hardly read his expression, it was so dark here.  
"I would like to spend a few more minutes with you alone."  
The reaction I had hoped for.  
  
I looked back to the house again to make sure that no one had seen us.  Then I wrote a text message to Nora that we were safe and they should NOT look after us, and returned my attention back to Marvin, who had sat down and leand casually against the trunk.  
I followed my first impulse and sat on his lap and realized that I was wearing a skirt. But I was already sitting on him and I knew that we barely saw ourselves, nobody would see my skirt slip up.  
  
I immediately resumed at the point where we had been interrupted, leaned over to him, put my hand on his cheek and felt the stubbles on my hand and kissed him. This time I took the lead. My tongue glided over his upper lip and into his mouth, where I stubbed his tongue like an invitation to follow me. I still tasted the bitter beer as our tongues repeatedly stroked and embraced. I sucked on his upper lip, biting it gently and felt his lips twist into a smile.  
  
He breathed excited and grabbed my waist, as if he had to hold on tight to not lose himself. His firm grip gave me the feeling of being wanted, like an unspoken 'I'll never let you go again', and that thought filled me with such euphoria. Soft kisses became wild and I enjoyed his closeness, feeling the heat of his skin through his shirt as I yielded to the pressure of his hands at my waist, pulling me back to him whenever there was a little space between us.  
  
For me, it was no longer just smooching. I was ready to go at least one step further. I took his hand from my waist and led it down a bit, down my waist down to my thigh, which was no longer covered by my skirt, letting it rest on my bare skin. Since the first I felt how wet his hand was from the sweat and she looked as if she was shaking.  
  
I got carried away by my desire too feel his skin on mine, so I lost the ability to think clearly.  
I stopped kissing and looked deep into his questioning eyes. His mouth half open, still wet from our kiss. I bit my lip with excitement but didn’t let me distract. I took his other hand off my waist and slowly slid it under my shirt. I put it down on my breast, which was still covered by my bra - and yes, his hands were actually shaking - and squeezed his hand encouragingly, as if he was squeezing my breast. I arched my back and reached for his hand with a soft sigh. I didn’t know if he felt how hard my nipples were, it didn’t matter because I saw the astonishment and a relish flickering in his eyes. His hand on my thigh slid a bit further and finally covered my buttock. Between my legs I felt a bump in his jeans and very slowly I moved my hips back and forth. He moaned softly and swallowed. A promising feedback.  
  
At that point, I thought all this would be enough to tell him that I was ready for more; more closeness, more stroking and maybe even sex. I was sure of myself: I liked him, he liked me, why wait with the sex when you feel like it?  
Marvin, however, was completely frozen. His hands rested where I'd laid them, the moon shone through the branches so that we could see each other better now and I could almost see the question marks in his eyes ... didn’t he want me? Wasn’t I attractive enough ??  
  
And then finally it sunk in ... the inexperienced kisses, the sweaty wet hands, the shaking ... had he ever had a girlfriend ... ever had sex ...?  
And how should I ask him without embarrassing him?  
  
I decided to deal sensitively with the matter and was prepared to postpone the sex. First, I took his hand out of my shirt, seated myself back onto his thighs to avoid sitting directly on his cock to ease the situation.  
Marvin was still silent, still rigid, what was strange to me. I’d expected that he at least asked what was going on, after all, we were kissing head over toes seconds ago. From 100 to 0 without a comment from him? All this confirmed my guess.  
  
"We can go back to the party,"  
I whispered softly and smiled at him, to make him feel all right,  
"and perhaps...",  
I put my hand on the bump of his pants,  
"continue all this another time."  
I wanted to take away my hand when he suddenly grasped my wrist and gently pressed it back on his lenght.  
Surprised, I raised my eyebrows and looked at him questioningly. But I wouldn’t go any further without him saying he wants it as much as I do. That was for me.  
  
But talking wasn’t his strength. Instead, Marvin kissed me, put his hands around my waist and pulled me back onto his lap. Before I threatened to lose myself in the passion and forget all my good intentions, I broke away from the kiss and put my hand gently on his lips to stop him.  
  
"I’ll make it easy for you, okay? Shake your head or nod! ",  
I instructed him.  
"Have you ever slept with a girl ...?",  
I asked hesitantly. I had to know it.  
Marvin shook his head and avoided my gaze.  
"Hey, I don’t mind that. Don’t be embarrassed. I'm a good teacher. ",  
I joked and felt his lips twisted into a smile.  
"Okay, we don’t have to go any furtheer tonight. Don’t feel obliged or something. I won’t tell anyone and I would love to spend more time with kissin ... ".  
  
Marvin shook his head and I must confess that I was very pleased with his reaction. But I couldn’t show it. Maybe I just misunderstood him; I needed a concrete answer. So I took my hand off his lips, tilted my head slightly, so my open hair was falling elegant over my shoulder and gave him an ambiguous look - yes, I admit I wanted to influence his answer - and then said:  
  
"Tell me what you want, Marvin!"  
I knew it was a little unfair of me; sitting on his half-hard cock and seductively ask what he wants ...  
"Let us go on,"  
he answered softly,  
"if you like ..."  
  
He reached behind him and pulled out a condom. I couldn’t get a clearer and better answer. As he tried to open it, I fumbled with his belt, opened his pants and pulled them down. His cock was covered only by the light fabric of his underpants and much better to see, despite the little light around us. I reached into his underpants, his cock was already very hard and precum came out as I touched it with my hand. His length was really a length. As much as I could see and feel it was huge and broad, and so hard. I couldn’t resist, I had to touch it, stroke it with my hands before it was covered by the condom.  
  
"Okay,"  
I breathed, feeling the arousal rise,  
"let me know if something hurts, or you don’t like something ... otherwise ...",  
I knelt down on my lower legs, moved up a bit so his cock was between my legs, but didn't sit down yet.  
I already expected that I would probably not come this time. It was said that boys often came very quickly the first time, so I was a bit resigned to the fact that it was more about Marvin.  
I repressed completely that we would’ve sex out in the woods, just a few meters away from the birthday party at my best friends house.  
  
I put my hands on his shoulders and leaned forward. As soon as our lips touched, a pleasant feeling rose in me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed Marvin taking the lead. Hungry for more, his tongue explored my mouth and our teeth clenched together from one unrestrained kiss to the next. I chuckled softly as he kissed my neck, sucked on the skin and bit me gently. My hands were buried  in his hair, clenched into a fist and hold them tight. With every touch, every kiss he became more confident. His hands crawled under my shirt. I gasped in shock as his cool hands touched my hot skin. A joyous rumble came over his lips and his cold fingers slowly moving up to my breasts, leaving a trail of goose bumps. I loved it, gave myself to him and felt the pleasant heat between my legs.  
  
I let go of him to slide down with my hands, down over his chest and his tight stomach. With one hand I grabbed his cock and while we were gasping for breath from one kiss to the another, I pushed my panties to the side, sat down on him slowly and pushed him in piece by piece.  
Marvin had to stop kissing to watch me, sitting down on his length. I noticed his hot breath on my lips, forehead to forehead, his hands wandered back to my waist and when I finally had him completely in me he groaned deeply and I quickly covered his mouth with my lips, so nobody could hear him.  
  
I gently started to ride him, sliding my hips back and forth, picking up the pace a little more each time. I noticed how his cock grew larger and he breathed very fast and sharp already. I opened the annoying bra and took it off without having to take off my shirt and put it carelessly aside. Marvin took the chance and slid under my shirt up to my breasts and squeezed them lovingly. I ached my backs and looked through the treetops into the sky above us, was completely unmitigated about what happening to me...to us right now, and when I looked back down I heard Marvin mutter something that sounded like "how beautiful".  
  
The next moment he put his hand on my back and pulled me close. He moaned quietly every time I pushed his cock back in with each new thrust. Clinging to his strong upper arms, I felt the tense muscles under my hand and put my forehead against his, both wet with sweat. He was already close, was gasping for air, his hot breathing on my lips, he tried again and again to suppress his pleasurable sigh, while I rode him faster and harder. Then I realized how his cock swelled up in me again and finally pulsed. Instinctively, I put my hand on his mouth, which vibrated under his growls as he climaxed. One last time he reared up under me, holding my waist very tightly, pushing me deeper on his lap and the finally his whole body relaxed and softened.  
  
Panting, he leaned against the tree trunk. I got down from him, smoothed my skirt and snuggled up to him, after he had pulled up his pants again. For a few minutes we sat quietly next to each other. I listened as his breathing returned to normal and his heart settled into a quiet rhythm.  
  
"And,"  
I asked after a while,  
"how was I?"  
Marvin chuckled and pulled me close.  
"It's very different when you do it yourself. This...",  
he gestured around us,  
" is much better. "  
Now I had to laugh and was pleased that he’d liked it  
"And you?",  
he finally asked  
"You were so quiet ..."  
"What did you expect? Screamig and groaning like in porn? "  
I shook my head; Boys ... I thought for a moment whether I should tell him that I’d not come, although I’d been very aroused, the time had been to short for me to finish. Finally, I was too exhausted to answer properly and simply said:  
  
"Next time, when we have more privacy and time ..."  
"What do you mean? You didn’t ... I thought you ... it sounded like ... "  
"It’s okay,"  
I reassured him.  
"As I said, with a little more time and ..."  
Marvin did not let me finish. Instead, he leaned forward so that we could look at each other's eyes and said with a seroius tone in his voice:  
"I would like to try now. What can I do?"  
  
I bit my lower lip. That’s what comes of it . I was sure I could’ve convince him that this is not necessary or said that I don’t want to.  
Admittedly, I also felt like doing it and the dissatisfaction gnawed at me a little.  
  
I nodded and I saw real joy and lust in his eyes. I’d forgotten that it was all new to him. So I asked him to spread his legs so I could sit and lean my back against his upper body. Then I bent my legs, opened them a little and felt the cool breeze stroked my still wet spot between my legs.  
I could feel his heart beat faster. I was excited too, hesitantly taking his hand and leading it between my legs. I pushed the slip aside and slipped his hand past the thin fabric, letting him touch and feel on his own.  
Curious, he groped and explored. It was strange because he couldn’t see a thing, just feel and imagine everything that was new to him, even though he had certainly watched a lot of porn, his excitement passed to me. It was exciting to feel him groping, stroking, slamming, dipping, whispering in amazement and then finding something new again that occupied his mind.  
  
"It's very soft and warm and ... slippery."  
He whispered in my ear and I wish he was not just talking in my ear, but also nibbling on it.  
"The hair is not as bristly as I thought. You do not shave? "  
"Does it bother you?"  
I replied with difficulty, already enjoying his touch so much that I didn’t really want to concentrate on conversation anymore.  
"I do not know. I thought everybody was shaved ... "  
"Many maybe. Me Sometimes, sometimes only partially, sometimes completely, sometimes not at all. "  
"I like it that way.",  
He finally said and playfully ran his fingers through it.  
  
His curiosity made his touch unsteady. As soon as he had discovered the right place to stroke, he slipped away and before it frustrated me too much, I took the lead again.  
I took his hand and put his fingers in the place next to the clit, letting his fingers circle there with gentle pressure. I hummed contentedly, closing my eyes and enjoying his touch and the tingle that caused it. Marvin learned quickly. Soon I was able to take my hand away and he kept on in his own, was circling, rubbing and caressing my folds and my clit, completely guided by how I reacted when he tried something else, gotten faster or exerted more pressure. I answer with satisfied sighs and soft groans. As concentrated as Marvin seemed, he soon let himself be carried away. I felt his hot breathing on my neck as he got faster and his cock his pants already hit hard against my tailbone. His other hand pushed his way under my shirt and grabbed my breasts, kneading it and stroking the hard nipples, so that I could suppress the next loud groan with difficulty. Quicker his fingers wrote circles and I pressed against his hand again and again to make feel him harder. I slid in front I felt his fingers, I slid back I felt his hard cock. What he lacked in technique and finesse, he made up with consistency and perseverance, so that I got going very quickly.  
  
Shortly determined, I held hand between my folds, pulled me out of his grip, turned me and began to open his pants again. I gave him no opportunity to speak or protest, I did not even know if he wanted to protest, because I immediately put my lips on his, kissed him fiercly and rechless and pulled him down his pants. His hard cock jumped out immediately and I wanted nothing more than he pushing it deep inside me.  
Between our wild kisses, I lay down on the ground and pulled Marvon down to me, between my legs, resolutely took his hard length in my hand and directed him in front of my wet pussy. I pushed the slip back to the side and let him push hard into me.  
We both clamped our lips together to muffle the moans that came from our throats as he his cock disappeared with the first thrust. I was already so wet, so far and so ready that he could thrust harder and harder each time.  
We let ourselves fall completely. I twisted under him, taking every intense thrusts, our sweaty skin clashing with every move and me stroking and rubbing my clit. I realised how Marvin was watching me, how I was touching myself and letting myself go and to my delight I saw how his lips formed an astonished "Wow."  
I was close, I felt the heat rising and my whole body thighten and came in a phenomenal orgasm that made me want to moan loudly. After a few more thrusts, Marvin came a second time. Completely exhausted and sweaty, he sank next to me and so we lay there, panting, satisfied and looked into the sky above us.  
  
  
It took me a moment to arrive back in the here and now. The desire ebbed off and I heard the familiar sound of an incoming SMS. Marvin was still completely exhausted, so I got up first, looked for my bag, found my bra, which I put on quickly and then also found my bag. A message from Nora had arrived.  
  
"Where are you? They’re noticing that you both disappeared for a very long time now.”  
  
I chuckled and wrote back to her that we had just spent some time alone and were already on the way back.  
My panties were completely soaked, so I took them off and put on the leggings that I had taken as a precaution. Marvin also stood up and tapped off his clothes. I did the same and tried to get the branches and leaves out of my hair. Lying on the forest floor had been a really bad idea. Finally, I had to give up and tied the hair together so that they didn’t look too muddled.  
  
"Let's go back!"  
I said hastily and grabbed Marvin's hand to lead him out. It wasn’t hard to find the way back, because we could see the light of the house and the hear the music. The closer we got the louder the music became and I was certain that nobody could’ve heard us. I closed the gate and hand in hand we walked past the shed as Marvin stopped and pulled me back.  
  
"Wait!"  
He said, pulling me close and gently pushing me against the wall of the shed, kissing me long and passionately on my so sore lips. As we stood there, two people suddenly passed the shed.  
  
"Hello, hello, hello you two lovebirds!",    
Paula's friend said with Paula at his side, who winked at me. I just giggled and Marvin grinned. Then we strolled back together to the others.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue to Marvin is missing. Actually, it's almost done, but I want to leave the story as open as it is at the moment.  
> Thank you all for you're views and Kudos so far.


	8. Marvin - Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me some time to write this epilogue. I had to rewrite it over and over again because it was hard remembering all the memories and finding the words to express how I felt.

At this point I would like to write how wonderful the time has been with Marvin and how much fun we’d together...  
This whole Marvin thing and all the memories of it, so exciting and special they’ve been, unfortunately make me wonder why the hell did I have to kiss him ?! I would have been spared a lot of things:  
  
The very next day, it was a Sunday, I wanted to call Marvin and talk to him and ask him how he felt about last night. I already knew exactly what I wanted: we kissed, we’d sex, we kissed more – this must be the beginning of a relationship.  
Nervously I called him and after some long seconds I heard his sleepy voice. I made some smalltalk and lead the conversation quickly to last night. His voice was clear despite the tiredness, as if he was explaining me a complicated issue. However, I blamed it on fatigue or on the fact that it had taken him too far by surprise yesterday and he could be a little embarrassed.  
  
I asked him what he thinks about us, the night and what all this means for us.  
And I still know the exact wording as if I had just heard it:  
  
"Well, actually it is quite clear what that means for us!"  
"For real?"  
"Really!"  
  
Silence… ….  
  
Right at this point, my gut feeling told me that something is wrong here.  
He didn’t sound happy. He sounded like I was selling off a nasty washing machine and he finally bought it.  
But I was too blind, too in love and too proud to notice it at that moment or even admit it to me. I WANTED that we are together. I WANTED to show everyone that I had him and all the other, prettier, better girls did not! It was a terrible mix of feelings, pressure and fear that made me blind.  
  
The week started good and the days passed by. We saw each other, behaved like a couple, although Marvin was very distant. We gave each other brief kisses, but we didn’t get any closer. Again, I put it on the fact that he has always put more emphasis on learning. I, however, liked to skip a class to make something more exciting.  
The situation was a bit tense, but I didn’t let myself be disturbed. I wanted it to continue, I wanted it to work, hoping to be able to get us on the right track if we could at least have a moment to ourselves again. But it just didn’t happen.  
  
  
  
  
It was Friday and I was a little hurt that Marvin would rather drive to his parents than spend time with me alone, but I’d swallowed the bitter pill, made no drama. Perhaps he would realize how much he misses me.  
I stood in the changing room after the volleyball training and just said goodbye to my teammates when I heard the sound of an incoming message.  
I was sure that it was from Marvin.  
A feeling of happiness spread throughout me  and I couldn’t wait until I reached the car to search my phone and read the message.  
  
"I have to tell you something. Can we talk? "  
  
I hesitated and the voices  I’d ignored so far whispered and mocked me. So I got in the car and called him. I knew that I had to and deep inside of me I knew what he would say. After a brief banter, he told me:  
  
"I thought about everything for a long time and decided that I can not be with you. I want to concentrate on my studies and you distract me too much. I really like you and I'm very sorry, but I don’t want to be with you. "  
  
I didn’t cry. I just said okay, hung up and stared out of my car for a long time.  
I should have known: everything between us had been so strange, we didn’t act like two people who are in love.  
It hurt me more than expected. I felt repelled and unwanted. My demons began whispering again, that he only got involved with me at the party because he was drunk and couldn’t see my fat body in the dark. All the fat flesh on my hips, the flabby belly. There wasn’t  a connection or sympathy between us, it was just sex with someone and he was too drunk to say no.  
It was my fault, I had imposed myself on him ... it was my own fault ...how can I tell that to our friends...what will they say...what will they think...all my fault

  
I couldn't forgive Marvin for a long time for this rejection.  
  
We remained something like 'friends', after all, we continued to study together and had the same friends. For me, the situation remained difficult, even though I noticed that a relationship with him wouldn’t have lasted long. We were too different, searching and needing other people in our lives. I had a crush, yes, but wasn’t in love. My pride was hurt because I had to tell everyone his flimsy excuse why he ended our relationship, which, of course, no one convinced.  
Everyone knew that was just an excuse, but I never knew what his real reason was, and in this vacuum was enough space for everyone’s assumptions. This uncertainty made my demons speak aloud for a very long time and they influenced so many of my decisions. It’s not fair to say that’s all Marvin's fault. He was just last straw.  
  
  
It  was as if this experience had severed my soul's connection to my body. Outwardly, I was strong, invulnerable, uncomplicated and robust. I pretended that this rejection hadn’t hurt me, as if nothing could hurt me, pretending that I was happy with myself and my body, though I only regarded it as an empty shell. But because I didn’t like this shell and thought that no one else could ever find it beautiful or attractive, I believed I had to advertise it all the more with good traits I could offer like:  
"I may not be the most beautiful person, but you don’t have to make any effort, you don’t have to worry about me. I'm not complicated, I won’t make a scene and I'm the way you need me. No matter what you want, how you want me - just pick me and stay with me ... "  
  
Fortunately, this phase didn’t last too  long and I met people who were willing to invest time and love in me.  
The memory of Marvin remains bitterly sweet.  
I wish we’d been able to handle the situation better then and I wish I’d been strong enough to be better at dealing with myself.  
  
With this little story, I finally draw a line. I never told anyone how bad I felt, how much it had lessened my self-esteem, and that I couldn’t stop comparing myself to all the woman Marvin had been together with.  
The question of why haunted me for a long time.  
But now Marvin, after all these years, we are even.


	9. Interlude - About Him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He suddenly appeared in my life, even though he‘d been around me all the time. It took me some time to notice him, but then he swept me off my feet, helped me up, held me close to his chest and said he would never let me go again.
> 
> Eric Clapton – I Want A Little Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No sex this time, just a little romantic interlude.  
> For a long time I thought about whether to mention him, whether he gets a place in this short stories. The easier it is for me to write down the relationships and sex I‘d with the other guys, the harder it is for me to talk about him.  
> However, leaving him out completely doesn‘t seem right to me and he would be offended him if I don‘t mention him at all.  
> That's for him.

It was a tough semester for me. I‘d taken the study and the exams lightly and now, in addition to the normal workload, I‘d to repeat the failed courses. It was a lot to do, I learned all the time without wanting to give up my friends and hobbies. It was just sleeping, studieing, meeting friends, learning, studieing, sports, eating and sleeping.

During this time I met him.  
We‘d been together for a few months now and he was suffering so much because we‘d so little time for each other. We only saw each other briefly within a week, had lunch together and then had to part ways again.  
I didn‘t want to be narrowed down and restricted; everything I did was important to me these times and I wanted to do everything in the best I could, and he gave me the time and space I needed.

One evening I was sitting in the university for a long time and learning for my exam. It had been snowing all day, and every time I looked outside I saw the snowflakes falling down slowly. Winter was my favorite season, so it was all the more sad that I had hardly been outside all day. I had met him twice today, a quick lunch and before he had to go home he came up to say good bye. I felt that he was trying to hold himself back without putting pressure on me, but I also felt how much he missed me and how much I missed him. Another short kiss and he disappeared.

Time passed by and soon it was dark outside. Most of the lights in the buildings were already off, the students and professors had gone home for a long time, and I was beginning to feel tired. Yawning as I read the last paragraph of the chapter, I heard my phone ring. Surely my mother wondering if and when I would come home, I thought and reached into my bag.

I raised an eyebrow when I saw his name on the display and a comforting warmth rose in me.

"Hey you!" I said and smiled.

"Hey my little girl!" I heard his gentle voice answer. I liked it when he called me like that. He was a guitarist (yes, I guess I have a fable for musicians) and he told me that when ever he played 'I Want A Little Girl' by Eric Clapton, he had to think about me.

"I know it's late and you have a lot to do, but can you just look down the window for a second?"

"The window?" I asked, got up and walked to the big window front.

"Yes," he said, and I heard the excitement in his voice, "I'm standing there."

At first I could see nothing, the window glass just mirrored. So I opened it and a cold breeze of fresh air rose into my nose and whirled in some snowflakes.

In fact, I wasn‘t tall so I had to put a chair by the window and kneel down to see something.

There it was.

A huge heart in the snow. He made a huge heart in the snow with is footprints and stood in the middle of it. For me ... right now …

I couldn‘t say a thing. I packed my things, the bag was over my shoulder and ran down the stairs, no I almost flew until I finally opened the door below and saw him there. I ran to him in the middle of the heart where he was waiting and fell into his arms.

I cloudn‘t breathe, from joy, excitement and from running so fast.  
Lovingly he looked though his light blue eyes at me, softly touched my face and kissed me passionately, until my heart threatened to jump from my chest with happiness.

 

* * *

 

The time with him was too short.  
He died far too young and left me behind, broken and lost.

Even today I think back to him with so much love.  
Whenever I tell this story, I have tears of joy about having had the opportunity to be loved, so unconstrained, so passionate, so honest and sincere.

And tears of sadness about how the disease has torn him apart from me and how much I‘m missing him ever since.

My love, I thank you for everything.


	10. The Wedding - I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James Bay - Wild Love

It had been an exhausting year. The strange thing with Marvin, the unexpected death of my love, the studies and all the hobbies I was still pursuing to distract myself, all that had wearied me. My thoughts couldn‘t calm down and I sought solid ground while a storm raged around me.  
  
In spite of all this it was getting better. After a long time, in which I had almost given up on myself, I could slowly allow myself to be happy again.  
The tears subsided and I started to recover. I was feeling much better.  
Everything I wasn‘t able to handle yet or things that hurt me too much, I shut in deep inside my heart.  
I'll take care of that later, I always told myself, later when I‘ll have enough strength for it.

One of the negative effects of my emotional down was that it was hard for me to socialize. I tended to stay at home while everybody were on events, parties or just spending a night in a bar with friends. It seemed like everyone was seeing me with different eyes, now. I was tired of the pity and the questions, which only tore up everything that I‘d hide so carefully inside of me. So I withdraw from the real world and found new friendships in the virtual world where no one knew me and I could build a whole new identity. It was so much easier there, to talk to people, make friends and of course to flirt. I knew that it was too early for a new relationship or a new love in my life and I wasn’t trying to find someone, but it felt good to think that there’s maybe someone who likes me. I hoped quite naively, that maybe this could fill the huge hole in my soul.

One late afternoon, I was sitting in front of my computer, checking my e-mails when my dad came into my room and put an envelope on my desk. I didn‘t act at first. I was reading my emails, clicking here, wrote something down there until I saw that my father was still standing next to the desk.

"What‘s up?", I asked without looking up and clicked on the next mail.

My dad tapped his finger on the envelope.

"Don‘t you want to open it?"  
"Is it a bill or something?"

Finally, I paid attention to the piece of paper. The envelope was ivory colored and nobly made with a golden rose in the corner. Definitely not a bill.

"Looks more like an invitation. I would think a wedding.", my Dad said and I frowned in confusion.

"And the invitation is addressed to me? Who of my friends could it be? We're just in our twenties?"  
"Your mother and I got married when we were in our early twenties. It was normal then."  
"Yes, centuries ago.", I replied and rolled my eyes, "Women of my time want to go to college first and earn their own money before entering into a serious relationship. If they marry at all. I don‘t believe in the concept of marriage."

But my dad just smiled at me and took off his glasses.  
  
"You won‘t leave until I open the envelope, right?"

He nodded and sighed and I finally gave in. I didn‘t know why I just wanted this envelope to disappear. I was very curious, always been, but this thing was heavy on my desk and seemed to cast a dark shadow.

I picked it up and felt the heavy, high quality paper the envelope was made of. No sender, just my name and address and when I opened it I took out a white card. At the front was the same golden rose as on the envelope. Horribly cheesy, but wedding and kitsch seem to go hand in hand forever.

"It‘s from Selim and his girlfriend ... they marry ... wow."

Selim and me where friends in school, but I rarely had any contact with him for the last years. I didn‘t even know he‘d a girlfriend. Nevertheless, we had to have had so much contact that he felt it necessary to invite me to his wedding.

"When‘s the wedding?"  
"Mhm, in a few months ... in May ... and even here in town, in the hotel of his parents ... how convenient for him; saves costs. "  
"Yeah, how convenient.", my father replied sitting down on my bed and staring at me. I didn‘t quite understand why he was still in the room, so I handed him the card and returned to read my mails.

"You‘ll go there, won‘t you? They ask to give notice within one month..."  
"Well, a month is long...enough time to think about it... "  
"Amy, my little one!"  
"What?", I replied a little bit too loud. When would he finally leave me alone? It was an invitation to a wedding and not from The Queen herself.

"I think you should go there. A distraction, an evening with other people and music and ... when was the last time you go out? "  
"Don‘t know ..", I mumbled, "...movies with Nora..."  
"Yes, that's ages ago. When did Nora go to Sweden? The semester abroad will certainly take a while - don‘t think that she‘ll come back for a wedding of..."  
"So she's not coming to the wedding?"  
"Did she get an invitation?"  
"I'm not going there alone! What if I don‘t know one person there?"  
"Then you get to know new people. Oh, come on Amy, that usually didn‘t bother you."

He put the envelope back on my desk, laid his hand on my shoulder and left me alone in the room.

–

I said yes; I would go to the wedding.

–

It wasn‘t easy for me, but in the end I agreed to go to the wedding. For a long time I‘d thought about it and brooded. At some point, I even liked the idea of going to the wedding and not meeting anyone who knows me or whom I know. On the contrary, I could go out without having to face my past and my memories. I could be completely relaxed.

The civil marriage was among close family. Later, in the evening all the guests were invited and so my sister drove me to the hotel where the wedding was supposed to take place.

"You‘ll take a taxi to come home? I can pick you up as well. ", she offered as she stopped the car in the parking lot.

I shook my head.

"I don‘t know when I‘ll leave the party. You don‘t need to stay awake or wake up when I call. "

"Well, then have fun."

I got out of the car and headed for the well-decorated entrance. Red roses, white ribbons and golden hearts adorned the entrance and I suppressed an emerging nausea. A wild bride in the middle of this wedding industry... golden hearts ... only the coach with white horses and the huge Barby wedding dress was missing.

I was wearing long trousers made of an elegant, flowing dark blue fabric and a light, grayish blouse. My mother had been horrified. It wasn‘t festive enough for her, not appropriate enough for the occasion. But I didn‘t want to force myself into a dress that I should have bought, because I didn't have a dress.  
My body and I were no longer in harmony. I was more insecure than usual about the way I look, so I wanted to hide as much of my body as possible.  
So I threatened my mother to cancel everything if I couldn’t wear what I wanted. She persuaded me after all not to put on black pants and a dark blouse, which I chose first.  
"This is a wedding and not a funeral"  
"That depends, Mum."

My hair was open and I pinned up the sides with small glittering hair clips, to make the look a little bit festive. 

I opened the door to the hotel, where a concierge was waiting to show me the way to the ballroom, although a description wouldn‘t have been necessary. The whole way to the hall was lined with podiums with vases on them. The roses in them had a deep red color and their scent was everywhere.  
It was an old hotel, with fine wood paneling and beautiful landscape paintings on the walls. The double doors to the hall were wide open and I could already hear the music as I approached.  
The bridal couple was standing on one side of the door and greeting each guest, accepting congratulations and gifts. There was already a long line of guests waiting to congratulate the young couple. While waiting I had a short moment to look at myself briefly in a mirror on the wall. I had mixed feelings. I looked okay, but not like myself. But how could you look like yourself when you didn‘t know who you are right now? 

The make-up was discreet, but it was too mask-like on my pale skin. Without further ado, I grabbed a tissue out of my bag and dabbed my too-red lips until my natural color blew through and the red faded. Much better, I thought and after a short time it was my turn. The bride was in front, so I congratulated her first. I‘d guessed correctly: she wore a wide, white dress with many layers of tulle and rhinestones. Her hairdo was beautiful pinned up with red and white roses . Absolutely not my style, but she lived her outfit. She beamed at me cheerfully and soon took me in her arms without knowing me. But she probably hugged so many people today that it didn‘t matter to her anymore.

"Hey, Amy!" Selim said, hugging me as I stood in front of him.

"Oh Selim, congratulations you two! What a beautiful wedding. ", I replied and rattled down the classic phrases. I had barely recognized him in the picture on the invitation card, but now in a suit that suited him very well, he looked much more different than I remembered him from school.

"I'm so happy for you.", I added yet another phrase and handed him the gift. There was no time to talk or stay a little longer, so I just smiled and turned to enter the ballroom.

Another waiter came over, asked for my name, looked at a list and guided me unerringly through the room to a table on the other side of the hall, near a sliding door to the terrace. The whole wall to the terrace was glazed and I had a wonderful view to the nice little terrace.

There were already two people sitting at the round table and three seats were still free. I chose the chair with a good view of the dance floor but also to the terrace.

"Is this chair still free?"  
"Yes, sure," the young woman answered, wearing a dark green dress and a cheeky pixie cut. She had a glittery hairband in her hair and she greeted me with a huge smile.  
"My name is Mallory and I am a friend of the bride. And you?"  
"I'm Amy and I'm friend of Selim….ehm, from school."  
"And this is Brian, also a good friend of the bride," she pointed to the young man next to her, who just looked at me and nodded stolidly, "Welcome to the single table."  
"Excuse me?" I raised my eyebrows.  
"Well, this and the table over there," she pointed to the table on the other side of the room, "these are the tables where the singles are sitting. The ones without plus one."  
"Aha, okay ..." I just stammered and sat down while Mallory talked to Brian again. It was my first wedding without my family, so I'd never thought about  seating arrangements before. It surprised me, therefore, that Mallory had emphasized it clearly. The longer I thought about it, the single table had the stale aftertaste of a leftover table. But alright, it was better than sitting at a table full of couples.

I looked around and tried to see if there was any familiar face but it wasn't that easy as I thought it would be. The ballroom was already full of guests, waiters assigning seats to the guests, some guests recognizing, greeting each other and scurried around, other waiters bringing drinks - it was a hustle and bustle just like a beehive with glittering sequins and black suits. In addition, a band in the front of the stage played soft melodies that were barely audible.

I was sitting sideways on the chair to watch the guests enter the ballroom. More and more guests came in and suddenly I thought I'd seen someone I knew, the stature, the hair ... I narrowed my eyes and tried to focus, but in that moment, a waiter with bottles of wine on a plate, blocked my view. I sighed, asked for half a glass of white wine, waited patiently until the waiter had served and then my eyes returned to the exit. But whatever I thought I had seen had already disappeared.

Soon the ballroom was full, everybody was talking and the two other seats at our single table were occupied. Two more young men sit down with us, another friend of the bride and a study friend of Selim. Both friendly, but more interested in Mallory. It struck me a little bit that her attention was more on the beautiful, slender Mallory, who was obviously feeling great with all this attention on her, but after all it was okay. I wasn’t in the mood to flirt. Maybe I would drink something, eat something, maybe talk to Selim and go to bed early. My parents would be happy that their daughter had some kind of a normal social life and hopefully they wouldn’t open this case for a while.

At last, the bride and groom joined in with thunderous applause and presented themselves in the middle of the dance floor. Both were beaming with happiness and their joy jumped right over me.

Selim gave a short speech, thanked the guests for coming and finally opened the buffet.

Applause again and then the sound of chairs being pushed back and people getting up and walking to a door on the side where the buffet was set up filled the ballroom. Mallory and her boys also stood up, she smoothed her dress and looked at me. My interest in pushing through the masses with a plate in my hand was small. That's why I just shook my head.

"Go ahead," I said and then they disappeared in the crowd.

I searched my bag for my cell phone. Smartphones weren‘t so up-to-date yet, so I couldn‘t pass the time with surfing in the internet. But maybe I got a message, I thought, or could play a game.  
Next to me another waiter appeared and I said without looking up.

"Please no more wine. Could you pour me some water, please. "

"How much wine did you already have that you don‘t want to drink any more?"

I froze. My phone felt back into my bag and it was like cold water running down my spine.  
He crouched in front of me so that we were at eye level.  
It was him.  
Adrian.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well....look who's back again ;-)


	11. The Wedding - II

I resisted the first impulse to fling my arms around his neck. Our contact had stalled for a long time. After the end of our relationship everyone had gone his own way. He left the city and we both didn’t try to stay in contact. Every now and then we happened to see each other in town, but we hadn’t talked for ages. Minutes passed and still no one was moving, just me looking at him in suprise. He finally smiled and I was still busy deciding if I was happy and if so, how happy I really was.  
  
"May I?"  
  
He asked, opening his arms to hug me. I managed to nod and he hugged me tightly, closed his arms around me briefly but firmly. His familiar scent rose into my nose and I got the sudden feeling that everything would be fine.  
  
"What a suprise to see you here.", he said, pushing a chair over to sit down.  
  
Adrian had barely changed. His hair was perhaps a little shorter, he looked slim in the suit, but his eyes were as open and friendly as ever. I’d never seen him dressed so elegantly. The suit became him and made him look so much more grown-up.  
  
"Do you want to contribute anything to our communication or should I do everything alone here?" He joked and I grinned, searching for the right words.  
  
"I'm sorry, I'm still so surprised. What are you doing here? Didn’ know that you were close friends, you and Selim. "  
"We'd guitar lessons together; long time ago. I also wondered about the invitation. But, hey, free drinks, free food ... "  
  
I saw Mallory coming back in the distance with her boy band and Adrian followed the direction I was looking.  
  
"Friends of you?"  
"Nah, they're sitting at the single table with me."  
"What?"  
"At the single ... oh forget it ... where are you sitting?"  
  
Adrian pointed to another table Mallory had designated as the other single table. He was also alone here, was my first thought for which I was ashamed immediately.  
I bit my lip. The evening had a completely different turn, now. I didn’t want to spend the evening alone here with Mallory and her boys, watching them flirting and ignoring me.  
Besides, I didn’t want Adrian to meet Mallory. That was silly and childish, but she had so much wit and charm. I couldn't keep up with that at the moment and I didn’t want to share Adrian.  
And before I could think of a good strategy, she had already weaved back to the table. Her eyes fell on Adrian ... for too long her eyes fell on him ... I already knew that glance from her ... damn.  
  
“Hey you,",she purred, "who are you?"  
Adrian got up, gallantly offered her the chair he'd been sitting on, but Mallory just put down her plate, put a hand on her hip, giving her a beautiful silhouette. Wow, what a beautiful body, I thought jealously.  
  
"I am a friend of Amy. I just wanted to ask her if she will join us at our table. What do you think, Amy?"  
He looked at me again and offered me his hand. The disappointment was written on her face as I took his hand to join him.  
  
"I hope that's okay with you."  
I nodded while he led me to the table and offered me a free chair.  
  
"The guy has probably canceled at short notice and the others here are very nice; you'll like them."  
The chairs were all empty, everyone was on at the buffet and I put down my bag and asked a passing waiter for a drink.  
  
"Let's get something to eat," Adrian said. "Then you can tell me about all this water drinking."  
I wrinkled my nose and stuck out my tongue.  
With him everything was suddenly so relaxed, so easy. I started to look forward to the evening.  
  
Adrian was right. The guys at this table were really more exciting than the others. They were a bit older, telling us about their jobs or their time at the university, while we enjoyed the delicious food from the buffet. It was a relaxed mood, while in the ballroom the cutlery clattered, people chattered and the waiters eagerly went from table to table to note the guests' wishes.  
  
I spooned out my crème brûlée when a waitress cleared our table and the light in the ballroom was dimmed a little. Selim and his bride appeared on the dance floor. The singer of the band, a young woman with short black hair and an elegant trouser suit picked up her microphone and gently tapped it to get the attention. Slowly the conversations stopped and everyone turned their eyes to the dance floor.  
  
"Dear guests, the bridal couple is now opening the dance with a slow waltz."  
  
The guests stood up and quickly formed a circle around the dance floor. Adrian and I stayed alone at our table. I wouldn’t see anything in front between all the big people, so why go through it, I thought and then the music started and under ohhs and ahhs the newlyweds started to dance.  
  
"I would take a breath of fresh air. Are you coming with me?"  
I pointed to the terrace, whose door had just been opened by a waiter to let out an older man heading for a bar table with other smokers.  
  
Adrian nodded and so we went out in the dim light. The cool air outside made me shudder briefly, but after a few seconds, I inhaled the fresh air contentedly. I shook my head as Adrian offered me his jacket. I didn't get cold so quickly and I liked the cool breeze on my skin.  
  
We went to a bench with a small table, a bit away from the smokers, and before we sat down a waitress came in, put a candle in a tall glass cylinder on the table and asked if we wanted something to drink.  
I ordered a drink without alcohol and Adrian just rolled his eyes, asking for a beer.  
  
"Okay, did you come to this wedding by car? Do you have to drive afterwards. The drinks are for free. Why are you just drinking water? You're pregnant?"  
  
I waited until the waitress brought the drinks and started to explain my behaviour.  
  
"First, I'm not pregnant.  
I had a difficult and complicated time. In those moments it seemed easier to drink a little more or too much. So I decided to step down a bit until I feel better again that I don't have to drink to lighten up my mood. Do you understand that?  
Also, lately, I've been in a lot of stupid situations because I drank too much, which made it hard for me to assess the situation. "  
  
I couldn't look at him while I was talking. I was very embarrassed. It sounded bigger than it was, more pitiful as it was. Luckily I realized very early that I drank when I got sad. It had been easy for me to turn it off. It also reminded me of what they’d said about me times ago: I would be intrusive if I drank. I was extremely embarrassed.  
  
"What happened then? Is that why you are here alone? I thought your friend ... what was his name ... Melvin ... accompanies you ...? "  
  
"Melvin? You mean Marvin? "  
  
I started to remember: The last time I met Adrian was over a year ago when he had visited his parents and then I'd told him about my boyfriend Marvin.  
  
"Haven’t heard much from each other for a long time, have we?", I said and started to explain.  
  
From Marvin, how he’d left me.  
From collage that threatened to devour me.  
And from him, my heart, who was taken too soon.  
I didn’t go into too much detail, because I didn’t want to open this door too much and Adrian didn’t push me. Instead, he just took my hand and held it tight. It was just a small gesture, but it was so familiar and helped to talk without crying.  
  
"Wow," he just whispered, taking a sip of his beer, "you've been through pretty much."  
"I'm feeling much better again. It can not always be perfect, right? But enough of me, how are you? What about your music? Are you still working in the store of your friend? "  
  
"Well", he sighed and run his hand though his hair. It almost seemed like he was trying to avoid my question, but before I could ask any further he started to answer.  
  
"I'm the new owner of the store, so to speak."  
"That sounds great ... ?"  
"Well," he exhaled audibly and took another sip "the owner died, a heart attack."  
"What?!"  
"... yes, I know. I just wanted to get out during lunch, get something to drink and eat and when I came back he lay motionless in the back room. I called a doctor, but they were already late ... I found him too late ... "  
  
I ran my thumb over the back of his hand when his voice broke.  
  
"When did that happen?"  
"Beginning of the year ... January. His girlfriend, who had been very pregnant at the time, asked me to continue the business for now. It had all been too much for her, of course, and I helped her where I could. "  
"I'm sorry, Adrian."  
"It's okay," he replied, running his finger over his eyebrow.  
"It's just so complicated right now."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Anna, his girlfriend, when she had the baby, I helped her a lot, ended all that what Jonas had started. Setting up the the room for the little one, build the furniture, I even took her to the hospital ... however, after she'd already offered me to run the business, we became very good and close friends, maybe a little bit more than just friends. Before I came here she asked me if I would like to move in with her, if we could try it together ... "  
  
He bit his lip and looked at me intently. But only my jaw dropped. My first thought was that he'd a girlfriend, he wasn't single and it bothered me way too much.  
I hated to feel this way, although I could feel sadness for the loss of this Anna, I was however a little jealous.  
  
"How did you decide?"  
"Because of Anna?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Is that important?"  
"Yes ... no ... I think ... isn’t it strange?"  
"You think so?"  
"Um, yes, Adrian ... it sounds a bit like she's just making you the man she lost ..."  
"What??", he stammered.  
  
I carfully chose the words that I wanted to say. I didn’t want to give in to the feeling of jealousy that had briefly flared up in me. I just want to help him, I thought, and said:  
  
"Listen, I understand when you feel guilty, I understand when you're sorry and you want to help her, but when you don’t feel more than worry and compassion ... it's not love.  
Or is it more than compassion for you... are you in love with her, Adrian?”  
  
I realized that my voice was shaking. I was completely confused inside, didn't want him to feel guilty and wanted to prevent him from getting into a situation because of something he was not responsible for.  
  
"No, not really ...maybe... I don't think so, I don't know".  
"Hey Adrian," I said softly  
"We both know that you can be there for her as a good friend as well. I can understand her ... ", I paused and took a deep breath,  
"I know what it's like when someone you loved leaves such an emptiness. You try to stuff that hole that threatens to tear you. But it does not really help. Nothing can close the hole sufficiently. It’ll stay whatever you try. It’s getting smaller and you have to learn to live with it. Believe me."  
  
"You speak as if you have experience with it, huh?"  
"If you only knew ..."  
  
The door of the terrace opened and closed again and we heard the music from inside.  
  
"I'm curious, Amy. Have you been single since then? Since you're sitting at the single table, I assume that ... "  
"Somehow, I think ... well, there's somebody..."  
"Oh, so there is someone ..."  
I let go of his hand and japped him in the ribs.  
"What does that mean, Adrian. Yes, there is someone I met on the internet ... "  
"On the internet, where all the hot guys are ..."  
  
Adrian grinned conspiratorially and I had to smile. The mood was relaxed again and I decided not to deepen the matter with his Anna, even if it interested me tremendously.  
  
"Yes, where ALL the hot guys are..."  
"Yes of course! So spit it out, who is this hot guy from the internet. "  
  
It took me a few sentences to tell about Bastian, a guy I had been flirting with for a long time, we send pictures of us to each other weeks ago.  
  
Adrian listened attentively and I realized how much I'd missed him and how quickly everything was so familiar again. He looked at me, listened to me, everything was straightforward and simple with him. His eyes, so clear, so open, captivated me as always.  
I stopped breathing, when I suddenly noticed how this comforting warm feeling spread within me.  
He took advantage of this pause .  
  
"So, is it correct," he asked and something in the way he looked at me changed, "that you exchanged photos weeks ago and you haven't met yet?"  
  
"Well," I answered uncertainly. His question pricked in the wasp nest I was trying to avoid all the time. After exchanging photos, the contact with Bastian had become a bit sluggish. I was worried that he didn't find me attractive enough and tried to discreetly get rid of me.  
"It's complicated to find a time or a date ...",  
That wasn't a lie, but also not the truth. I'd already suggested Bastian some dates and after we'd flirted so much, I'd reckoned he was just as impatient as I was to finally see each other. I didn't understand why he hesitated, what he was waiting for, or whether I wasted my time waiting for an answer when silence was already a response.  
  
“Complicated to find a date? Bullshit, Amy! The guy should be glad that you take your time for him. What kind of guy is he who doesn' t get head over heels in his car to see you?”  
  
"Are you jealous, Adrian?" I joked and wondered why he took it so seriously. But then he cupped my face with his hand, ran his thumb over my cheek and came closer until I felt his breath on my lips as he said.  
  
"What if I was, Amy?"  
I blinked, wanted to say something, but couldn't make a single sound. He gently stroked my lips with his thumb.  
  
The door opened again and Adrian and I parted from each other as the music grew louder and some guests came into the small garden. They laughed loudly and didn't notice us as they stood at a bar table and continued their conversation.  
  
I didn't dare to look in his direction, instead I watched the guests through the windowpane, but I only saw our reflection in it. Adrian leaning forward, looking at the floor and I heard him sigh softly.  
That was close, I thought, we almost kissed each other.  
Would we have kissed?  
Would that be a good idea?  
Maybe I should say something, I thought, but I couldn't find the right words.  
Still confused, I reached for my drink to hold on to something. A small fly swam on the surface. I tried to clarify my thoughts, organize them to find out  what to do next. In this moment, he moved closer to me until our shoulders touched and he nudged me.  
  
"We've had that before ...", he said and kept looking at the floor.  
"What do you mean by that?"  
"Do you remember the morning after the party at the lake? When it rained so hard and we went to my place? "  
I nodded, of course I remembered that night and Adrian continued:  
"We sat together on the edge of the bathtub ..."  
"Oh yes, I had your T-shirt on and my hair was a mess and ..."  
  
and you kissed me, I wanted to say, but I couldn't and I didn't have to say it aloud. Adrian took my hand and as our eyes met, I saw that he remembered as well. I knew that if I didn't move right now, he would lean over and kiss me. It would happen, I knew him, knew that look and although my heart was beating wildly and I couldn't find one single reason why I should not kiss him, I hesitated.  
I need time..., the thoughts shot through my head, but I was frozen and my aching soul longed for his affection.  
  
A loud noise, a clanking and bursting made us jump in shock. The cheerful company at the bar table had dropped a bottle that had burst into a thousand small pieces. A woman shrieked brightly when she saw the tiny dots of red wine on her dress.  
  
"Everything okay?", Adrian asked me and I let go of his hand to check my clothes. A few shards of glass and splashes were on my shoes, but they were so few that they didn't matter.  
  
"Yeah, everythings fine. But I would suggest that we go back in, it's getting too cold out here and probably the others are asking where we are. "  
In fact, I was freezing a bit, but to be honest this was an excuse to get out of this situation and think about it. Being close to him was exhausting and I felt too pressurized, even though I knew that wasn't his intention and it was difficult for me to communicate clearly what I was feeling. Even I didn't quite understand what I wanted. I was overwhelmed that these old feelings still existed in me and now came to the surface much too fast. What I needed now were a few minutes for me, in the crowd and with some distance to Adrian.


	12. The Wedding III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's me, Little Miss Drama ;-)
> 
> To all those who think that's a bit too much drama and a bit too much psycho-talk - where are the promised sex scenes? - I can say: Yes, you are right. In the next chapter, promise.
> 
> Everyone else, thanks for reading and thank you for persevering.  
> I describe in detail what has happened to me so that the following chapters, relationships and my reasons can be better understood.  
> Much of what follows has its roots in what happened so far.
> 
> Thanks and kisses to everyone; you guys rock :-)

The noise was overwhelming when we entered the ballroom. Everyone was cheerful, the music was loud and I saw Selim, taken off his jacket and dancing with an elderly lady while we were searching for our seats.  
It was needless to say that the guys at our table had noticed our long absence. As expected, they grinned ambiguously as we took our seats. We had told them that we were "good old friends", so the explanation that we had some fresh air was plausible enough to stop asking. Still, I felt they were keeping an eye on us for the next few minutes, as if they were checking to see if we'd come closer. However, we behaved quite normal, Adrian immediately started talking and I decided to get a drink, despite my good intentions.  
  
Mallory was standing at the bar and when she saw me, she waved and I joined her. We talked about the party while I waited to place my order. I only half-heartedly listened, Mallory anyway liked to talk herself, so it was enough to nod every now and then or laugh at the right moment. So I could look over her shoulder to our table and watch Adrian.  
He seemed calmer and more relaxed  and I had the opportunity to reflect on what had been going on between us.  
  
I had still feeling for him, of course. We had been so close and had an intense time together. Such feelings don‘t disappear when you loved someone so much.  
And it felt good and the more I thought about it, it felt more and more alright for me. It was a selfish need. Minutes ago I‘d told him that nothing could fill the void someone leaves behind if the person was just taken out of life. Was Adrian just a bad attempt to provisionally close the wound?  
  
Confused, I bit my lower lip, but Mallory continued to be so engrossed in her monologue that she didn't notice that I was busy with other thoughts. When the bartender finally handed me my ordered drink, she was silent for a moment.  
„Cheers!“  
Mallory and me raised our drinks and at the clink of the glasses Adrian looked in my direction and our eyes met...surely just for some seconds, that felt so much longer...there was a comforting warmth growing inside of me and even if my head still denied it my heart already knew it. For a brief moment, I shut out everything around me, the music, the conversations, the people, except us, Adrian and me, lost in the eyes of the other.  
  
Another clink of glasses woke me up and I nearly dropped my drink.  
„Daydreaming?!“, Mallory said and the reproachful tone was hard to miss.  
„Uhm, sorry...something came to my mind and...would you excuse me...“  
  
I saw her puzzled expression for a moment as I already turned to the bartender to ask for a pen and a piece of paper. He handed me both and I hurried to draw something on the paper. The pen between my fingers was shaking and I had to try very hard to write clearly.  
With the folded note in my hand and my drink in the other, I finally stroll back to my place, where the others talked about the tax benefits of a marriage.  
As soon as I sat down Adrian glanced at my drink.  
"Water with limes, sugar and a lot of ice?"  
"It's called Caipirinha the nice gentleman at the bar said.", I replied calmly, "With one secret ingredient ... it tastes delicious!"  
  
I winked, took a long sip and pretended to follow the conversation attentively at the table to distract me. I was waiting for a good opportunity and finaly it showed up. The band finished their song and the singer announced that the guests could now address their words to the bride and groom.  
First, the father of the bride took the microphone and while he talked and all eyes turned to him, I breathed softly, bracing my courage and put my hand on Adrian's thigh.  
I realized how he jerked briefly and my breath caught. At first I was afraid he might not react, but then his hand slowly disappeared under the table and his hand touched mine.  
As at school, when secretly exchanging notes, I handed him the little piece of paper, hoping he would get it and pulled my hand back.  
  
When we were a couple, we used to write small notes. It was our little whimsy long before the time of WhatsApp and Telegram. So it had happened that I‘d suddenly found a note in my pocket, with silly hearts and nice notes, and I‘d also written such love swears and put in his purse or pocket.  
I knew he would remember that.  
Adrian understood the hint and I could see from the corner of my eye as he unfolded the note.  
He smiled.  
With his thumb he stroked the heart that I had painted and our names that I had written into it.  
Adrian cleared his throat and slid closer to me with his chair until our arms almost touched and the fine hairs on my arm rose. His hand disappeared under the table and he poked with his finger in my thigh, so that I had to grin, I knew what was behind this request. My hand followed his and so we held each other, our fingers entwined, hidden from the eyes of the others.  
  
The time passed and I‘d a lot of fun. Adrian and I secretly exchanged small caresses, touched each other by chance, and he put his arm on my chair back I could lean against. The classic wedding games were played, Selim and his bride passed the tables and chatted briefly with each guest and the band was still playing a song after another. Shortly after midnight, the first guests said goodbye and even at our table it was getting emptier, as Adrian got up and held out his hand.  
  
"Are you going to dance with me?"  
"I beg your pardon? I'm not dancing." I answered with eyes wide "Have I ever danced with you?"  
"Exactly, you haven‘t."  
He resolutely took my hand and I quickly gave in, followed him onto the dance floor while the band played a slow song.  
  
Clumsily I put my hands on his shoulders and he put his own on my waist. Slowly we swayed to the beat of the song. It was hard to believe that this was really happening.  
  
"How drunk are you?"  
"That‘s the most romantic thing that came to your mind, really Amy?"  
"Oh, I, you know ... I just want to be sure that you know what you're doing, that you ..."  
"I know what I'm doing, I'm not drunk or too drunk that I'm not sure that there's nothing better than being here with you."  
"I do not want you to get up tomorrow and regret something. What about your girlfriend, for example? "  
"And your guy on the internet?"  
"The guy who has failed to visit me so far?"  
  
He laughed and kissed the tip of my nose.  
  
"Yes, exactly that. What about him? "  
"I do not know. Actually, there is nothing or not much.", I answered honestly. "What about your girlfriend?"  
"I do not know. She is not my girlfriend, not yet. Actually, I wanted to use this invitation and trip to my parents to get some distance and think about it.", he sighed.  
  
„Mhm, sounds complicated.“  
„Nope“, he pulled me closer to him, „sounds like we‘re both free...“  
  
The song came to an end and Adrian led me back to the table, past the bride and groom, who lay in their arms and kissed as if no one around them was completely engrossed in each other.  
  
"Wanna go?" I asked Adrian as I reached for my bag to look for my phone and check what time it was.  
He took another sip of his glass, nodded and after we said goodbye we left the wedding.  
  
It was a cold night and I shivered as I breathed in the fresh air. The sky was cloudy, not a single star was visible when I put my head back. Only the tip of the crescent peaked out between some dark clouds. Adrian stood in front of me, put his hands on my waist and since he was so much taller than me, he just had to lean forward to look me straight in the eye.  
Any other man would have kissed me, taken advantage of the opportunity, but Adrian was not like that, he wouldn‘t assume that my silence would be a concession.  
It may have been unromantic or not spontaneous, but for me, his patience and calmness, gave me the feeling that my approval was important to him.  
  
I reached out and touched his cheek with my fingertips and slowly stroked his jaw. It was as if a voice whispered to me 'That‘s all for you, this can all be yours. Just take it.!‘ and this voice drowned out all the worries, fears and doubts I had.  
I don‘t know how long we stood there, I just remember how his gaze captivated me and how calm and patient he was. Then he smiled, it looked as if he wanted to say something and then I did it, closed my eyes and kissed him.  
He closed the distance between us, holding me tight as my knees went soft and I held on to his shoulders. It was a tender, loving kiss, soft and gentle. Adrian didn‘t push and although he had pulled me close, he left me enough room to set the pace.  
  
I broke away from his soft lips and he stroked a strand from my face and looked at me as when I was so special, so important for him, so that I had no choice but to blush. And that, although we knew each other, had already been a couple.  
"Come," I said, taking his hand, "let's go." and we left the parking lot to the center of our little town.  
  
At this time there was hardly any traffic on the streets and many of the street lamps were already off. Only the main roads and a few minor roads were still lit. However, the moonlight was bright enough. It was not far to go, maybe twenty minutes on foot and then we could take a taxi. I would drive home, he would drive home ... and as if he had heard what I thought, Adrian asked:  
  
"Do you still live at your parents house?"  
"Yes of course. It's cheaper. And you? Did you move into your old room? "  
"Nah, I'm in the holiday house again. After Jana moved out, they moved into a smaller apartment and when we visit for more than a few days, my sister and I move into the house, if it is free. So it doesn‘t get too crowded with my parents and I can make a few small repairs right away. Mum and Dad live a few meters away, so I just need to go across the street if I want company. "  
"And you are undisturbed when you have company."  
"Yes, that‘s true..."  
  
I listened to the echo of our footsteps on the pavement and waited for the question that hung in the air and no one dared to ask and for which I still had no answer.  
  
"You could stay with me, if you like."  
"I don‘t know; my parents expect me to come home after the wedding, they will be worried if I don‘t show up. "  
"If that‘s the only problem...“  
Adrian stopped and pulled his phone out of the pocket of his jacket.  
"Wait, who are you calling?"  
"Well, I'll tell your parents where you are or will be. They like me..."  
"Hey, wait. They are definitely sleeping. "  
Adrian paused before pressing the call button. Before I had enough time to wonder that he had still stored my parents' phone number, he said:  
"I call your sister!"  
"WHAT??!! No, no, wait, what will she think when..."  
Too late. I was too small  to take the phone away from him, yet I vigorously pulled on his sleeve.  
  
"Hey, it‘s me, Adrian. I hope you weren‘t asleep alr ... ah, okay ... no, Amy's fine. I met her at the wedding and she's with me ... yes, ….yes, we've never heard anything from each other ... no, I‘m fine ... ehm, listen ... Amy and I want to spent some more time together. Can you tell your parents so they don‘t worry? … Yes exactly….of course, ....I'll ask Amy right now and if she wants to go home I'll put her in a taxi, promise! Yes, you too, greetings and see you soon. "  
  
"What did you do?!",I said sternly.  
"I‘ve not agreed yet. What if I want to go home? What should my sisters and above all my parents think about me?"  
"Then I'll take you home, Amy, as I said. Don‘t worry. I'm not a stranger you only know from the internet. They know who I am and they know that you are safe with me. Don‘t be mad at me."  
  
„It‘s not about that, it‘s...“  
  
I wanted to spend more time with him, be close to him. I didn‘t want to be alone, I longed for closeness, affection and love ... and Adrian.  
He was watching me hesitantly and I could see how it dawned on him, that he maybe had gone one step too far.  
  
"Now my parents and my sister know about us ...!"  
"Us?"  
"Well...it feels like an ‚us‘..."  
"I like the sound of ‚us‘ ", he made a step in my direction but didn‘t touch me, "‘us‘ sounds familiar."  
I nodded. Familiarity sounded very good.  
  
"I'm sorry!" He whispered, placing his hand gently on my shoulders. "I'll call you a taxi right away. It certainly only takes a few minutes. Please, don‘t get me wrong  ... I really missed you a lot. "  
"Me too, Adrian." I admitted and nestled my head against his chest.  
"And you‘re right“, I shrugged, „my parents really like you. "  
"That‘s a yes?"  
"What? Ehm ... "  
"Okay," he released me, took my hand "we continue walking down the street until we see a taxi. Until then you can think about it. If you go home, that's perfectly fine, but I'll call you tomorrow morning or invite myself to breakfast or I'll sleep right under your window ... "  
"Um ... creepy ..."  
"You think? I call it a consequent crush! "  
  
I heard myself laughing as he said that. A crush. The word made my heart leap. Everything seemed so easy to my heart, but everything in my head was so confused.  
Would I agree, would I stay with him tonight ... all that would be a yes to having sex with him, like we had so many time before.  
  
"I'd like to be with you tonight.", I knew he heard the quiet 'but'.  
It's Adrian, I encouraged myself if I couldn't tell him...  
"I've changed, you see. Much happened last year." I started and lowered my eyes as we walked on. I was glad not to have to look at him. It would be easier for me.  
"Because of your ex-boyfriend?"  
"Yes...and no...it's much simpler.", I exhaled and searched for the right words. How could you say someone that you had - obviously - gotten fat, that you don't feel appealing and therefore suffer more than usual with it?  
  
"Adrian, you must have noticed, too. I have changed a lot physically. And please don‘t say single word now."  
  
No matter how you say it, it  always made people reply that you're alright the way you are. That's the inner beauty that matters and I hated to hear that. It sounded like sheer scorn and hypocritical; just a lie to calm you down.  
But even I don't know the right thing to say in such a situation; what did I want to hear? What kind of words could help me to stop doubting on everything and everybody?  
  
"It's not the usual Skinny Bitches chatter of baby fat that actually no one can see and you just want to hear how thin you are. You know me and I've mirrors. It's difficult...I'm such a drama",  
I was ashamed of being so melodramatic. Adrian surely imagined a romantic walk differently. How did I get from holding hands to kissing and finally to talking about my inner fears and shortcomings.  
  
"I mean, back then, I wasn't a stunning thin beauty, rather luscious, but right now, uhm ..., you can just put me in the taxi and we both pretend that nothing happened, at all."  
"Are you serious?"  
His voice was stern and I bit my lower lip. But I didn't regret telling him how I felt. I wanted to give him a chance and to keep me safe from being hurt again. Of course I would be sad and disappointed if he decided to let me go, but I would understand him. Better now than after a week...

  
"What do you think of me?" His voice sounded almost indignant and annoyed. I didn't answer...I didn't know what to say more.  
"You know, it hurts that you think that I'm such kind of person. When we had been together I saw how hard you treated yourself. I could see how you've analysed every compliment or nice thing I've said to you and even when you tried to hide it, I saw that you hardly believe me that I meant every single word I've said.  
I've always wondered how to show my feelings or what I can do to make you believe me. It was never enough to say it, never enough to show it ... I thought, maybe I don't love her enough, that's why she doesn't trust me."  
  
I was silent. He was right.  
Whenever I heard a compliment, I wanted to keep my ears shut. I didn't want to hear it, never believe it - it was only courtesy and courtesies aren't more but lies.  
  
"Sometimes you have those powerful moments when you're brimming with confidence that captivates me and everyone else around you. One wrong word, one comment, or just one touch... "  
  
"Was I such a burden to you? Then why, Adrian, why all this..."  
Adrian turned to me, putting his hands on my shoulders and I wasn't able to look up, tasting the blood on my tongue for biting my lip too hard.  
  
"What? No, ...Amy... when I saw you tonight ...,everything I felt for you was right back there! The night I'd met you at the party, we had talked and I had fallen in love with you. I had never imaged anyone could make me feel so helpless, so nervous, but so happy and joyful at the same time. You made me fall in love head over heels like no other girl ever had.  
Please Amy, don't you want to look at me?"  
  
I didn‘t want to, I just wanted to run away. I had ruined everything and I felt horrible about the way everything had turned out.  
But I couldn't. I wasn't a child any more and I started all this, though I never expected it to become such a deep conversation between us. He was honest and hurt, to look at him was only fair, so I resisted my impulse, took a deep breathe and lifted my head.  
His voice had been stern and I was afraid that he maybe was angry, but to my surprise his eyes were open, questioning, doubting. Immediately I felt sorry for being a complicated person full of all these fears, problems and weaknesses. I wished I could be someone to be loved easily.  
  
"Listen, it doesn't matter to me what and how much more you weigh.  
You matter.  
You, and all those tiny things belonging to you and your personality. It's what you say, what you think, how you see things ... I know you hate compliments, but it's the truth.  
How could you assume that I'm only with you out of pity or because I just can't find anyone better or prettier. On the contrary. You are the best, the prettiest person for me. I don't need anything and nobody else, but you"  
  
I felt terrible and happy at the same time. Terrible, for hurting him so much. It had never been my intention to drag him too deep into my own abyss and I hadn't noticed all along that it had bothered him. I wanted to believe him so much, to allow the happiness I felt and trust that he honestly loved me ... it sounded so easy when he said it.  
  
Tears came to my eyes and I didn't want this weird night to become a complete disaster by starting to cry. So I literally gave in, fell into his arms and he wrapped his arms around me, kissed my head and I cloud hear how tensed he might have been by the way how fast his heart was beating in his chest.  
  
"You're okay?"  
"Mhm, very okay. Thank you!" I mumbled into his jacket and there was more truth in it than usual. It would take time, but maybe one day I could trust him and fully believe the things he said.  
  
"And now," he said conspiratorially, "let's go and it's your turn to tell me all about my qualities. Because in contrast to you I like to hear compliments and niceties. It's best to start with my Adonis body. "  
  
I was laughing and saw his lips turning into one of his sweet and brash grins. I couldn't hold back to kiss him right away. I caught him in surprise, his lips were stiff but then he relaxed and gave in. I stood on tiptoe, opening my mouth slightly and running my tongue along his lip. He tilted his head and our tongues touched and caressed each other. Adrian touched my face, his hand was on my neck and his thumb stroked my jaw. I loved it when he touched me there, along my neck, my chin, my throat. I smiled and bit his lower lip softly in response, remembering how much he liked it.  
  
"Hey, hey, don't assume that kissing safes you from a detailed description of my qualities." He gently pushed me back and I pouted playfully as he took my hand and we continued walking.  
It was not long before we rounded a corner and the main road was already in sight. As expected, a taxi was not far away.  
  
"Take this taxi and I'll call another one..."  
Adrian, a gentleman at all times, but I did not feel like going home.  
"Hm, so we drive to you with separate cars? Afraid I could break your underwear rule on the back seat? "  
I grinned cheekily and enjoyed his puzzled expression.  
My insecurities hadn't  faded from one minute to the next, the fear he might reject me was present, but the desire to be close to him and to believe what he said was bigger.  
  
"Seriously?"  
"Still want me to stay with you tonight?"  
He leaned  down to kiss me tenderly as a response.


	13. The Wedding - IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My little (premature Christams)-present for you.
> 
> (That's why it's probably full of misspelling...I'll correct them later)

Actually, the holiday house wasn't very far away, but my impatience made the time go by to slowly longer than expected. Already in the back seat Adrian put his hand on my hip, stroked my back and my butt. I moved a bit to make it easier for him and Adrian understood the silent invitation. His hand slid through the waistband of my pants and he squeezed my cheek.  
I ached for touching him in return, to feel his skin under my fingers, but I was too afraid the driver could see us. I concentrated on breathing evenly, not losing sight of him. His hand slid up again, over my back under the blouse. Playfully he pulled on the clasp of my bra, whereupon I jumped in shock and Adrian just giggled. The driver briefly looked in the rearview mirror, but we were already under control again and made an innocent impression  
  
"It's the house right here."  
  
Adrian finally said and the driver stopped, he paid and together we walked the narrow path to the front door. The lights of the street and in the houses around us were already off, only the small lamp above the house entrance lit up as Adrian searched for the keys.  
He opened the door, let me go in first and hung the keys on a rack.  
  
"Do you want a tea or someth...?"  
  
I didn't let him finish. Before the door slammed shut and even before he could turn on the light, I put my arms on his shoulders and pulled him down for a kiss. Surprised, Adrain got off balance, stumbled forward, I stumbled back, until I felt a wall on my back.  
Adrian, always so restrained and patient, gave up immediately. Hungry, he kissed me,I greeted his tongue with mine and sighed satisfied when he started to kiss my neck,   
  
I eagerly opened his belt and reached into his pants and grabbed his ass to press him close to me. I felt him chuckle against my skin, when he nuzzled his face against my neckline.  
  
"Mmm, I missed the scent of your skin, your hair.", he whispered and gently bit in my ear.  
  
His hands trailed over my body and I was glad that the light was still off, it was exciting to touch, taste and sense everything and I was glad that he couldn't see me in detail.  
We understood each other without words, without eye contact. Adrian fumbled my blouse out of my pants and I dropped my jacket  onto the floor. He gently pulled the blouse over my head and I had no time to hesitate or ponder, he already buried his face between my breasts, kissed his way up to my neck while he covered my breasts with his hands.  
He squeezed them, pulled away the fabric of my bra and a pleasant shiver ran down my spine when his warm fingers touched my skin.  
  
Just a brief moment he lingered on my lips, kissed me and went back to my breasts.   
He enclosed a nipple with his lips, nibbling on it carefully and I elicited a pleasurable groan. I felt his lips twist into a grin as he giggled softly as another sigh left my lips and he ran his thumb firmly over the other one.  
  
I pulled him back up to me and tasted the salty taste of own my skin on his tongue as I kissed him passionately.  
Adrian peeled off his jacket and loosened his tie while I untied his shirt with trembling hands. After four buttons, I lacked all patience and I pulled his shirt out of his pants, so that he could easily pull it over his head. His T-shirt followed and I enjoyed the sight of his bare torso enlighted by the moon from a window. He looked gorgeous ... his chest was a little hairier and his abs were more visible than the last time I saw him naked. I could hardly believe that he’d chosen me, that it was me to whom this sight was reserved.  
  
I reached out and laid my hand on his chest, feeling how it rose and fell quickly. My fingers slowly slid down, over his stomach, over the faintly visible muscles there, to the waistband of his pants. I crawled in with two fingers and dragged him to me until I could feel the heat of his skin on mine even before we touched. I heard nothing but our fast and tense breath, watching each other and the true affection in his eyes overwhelmed me. He raised his hand and with his fingers trailed the contours of my face, the eyebrows, the nose, the cheeks, and finally my half-open lips.  
In that brief moment everything was crystal clear. He held my chin between thumb and forefinger, moistened his lips with his tongue and leaned forward to kiss me lovingly. Our skin touched, I felt his heat on my skin, my arms wrapping around his neck. His smell, his taste, everything about him awakened the beautiful memories.  
  
Adrian carressed my shoulders, stripped off the straps of my bra and opened the fastening in seconds so my bra fell to the floor between us. I got goose pumbs when his finger went down, his palm over my nipples, to my bellybutton and to the waistband of my pants, through which he could easily slide his hand.  
I held my breath as his fingers came near my cunt. His fingers  strode though my pubic hair and carefully spread the lips apart.  
  
I exhaled into the next kiss as he slowly moved his fingers drawing tiny circles around my clit. He didn't need instructions neither had I do adjust myself, Adrian knew which buttons he had to push to turn me on. I held myself with one hand around is neck, standing on tiptoe to gave him an easier access to my slick cunt. It was hard to stay in balance when my other hand hastily made her way in his pants where I grabbed his hard cock, squeezed it and rubbed my palm against it, so Adrian elicited a fierce moan.  
  
His fingers moved subtle, sliding up and down, circling and raising the pressure on my clit. With his free he carefully scratched over my skin along the curve of my back to my waist to grab my butt and dug his fingers in my flesh. The sensation of this sharp pain mixed with his devoted kisses let me nearly loose my mind. I tried to catch my breath between my own sighs and moans. He was good and I bit my lower lip as he pushed two fingers inside of me. I rocked into his hand, faster and faster, my whole body was tense and I knew I was close. Sharp breathes dried my swollen lips and I rested my forehead on his chest, I didn't even try to delay it. Adrian got faster, swirled arount my clit and pushed deeper and whispered something I barely could hear. The blood rushed in every part of my body, everything inside of me tightened and finaly unloaded in the sweet release of an orgasm.  
My knees went soft and I still savored the sparks of my subsiding climax. Adrian held me, his arm around my waist, and kept his fingers still and deliberate buried in my folds, where he could feel the throbbing and clenching around his fingers.  
  
My head was still leaning on his chest. With every breath I inhaled his unique smell, like Adrian always smelled after sex and I heard how his heartbeat gradually calmed like mine.  
As the pulsation subsided, he pulled out his hand, wiping his fingers and pulling me closer to him until our hips touched.  
  
"I like this..."  
"Mmm?", I wasn't capable of more communication, yet.  
"To see and feel you coming ... that's the best..."  
  
I started to kiss his bare and sweaty chest, my fingers trailed up to his neck and down over his arms.  
  
"Working in a music store is like a free workout for you."  
A soft chucke and maybe he blushed a little.  
"You know, running a store by your own means carrying a lot of boxes, showing instruments around and these vinyl records in their boxes...my gosh, they're heavy as hell."  
"I see…"  
  
I lowered by eyes and watched my own hands sliding down to his stomach, navel and back to his butt. I grabbed it with both hands, squeezed through the disturbing material and heard him humming softly. I raised my head and saw his lips parted in desire. Immediatly our lips crushed against each other. There was already no space betweens us, every part of our body was covered by ourselfes, our hands explored every tiny bit of skin, scratching, squeezing and stroking.  
  
His pants and belt were open yet and I merely had to pull the zipper down. Our hands were everywhere, we kissed the last senses out of our brains, got off the rest of our clothes and Adrian began to drag me with him, opened a door behind him and we stumbled in the next room.  
It was too dark, then moon was on the other side of the house, and I too distracted to realize where we were.   
  
Adrian broke away from the kiss and steadied me with both hands on my waist.  
"Do not move." he whispered in my ear, then he let loose.  
  
It rattled briefly, Adrian cursed, but then I heard the familiar snapping a light switch. I had a short panic attack, he would see me, see me completely naked, but it was already too late anyway. But fortunately it was only a small gleam of light illuminating the room by a lamp on a small table.  
  
I felt a bit out of place, so bare in the room that turned out to be a living room, and suppressed the need to cover myself.  
It's Adrian, he knows what you look like, I tried to calm down, but I placed myself a little behind the armchair.   
He turned around and I enjoyed the front view again, no time to linger on old bad habbits.   
Time had made him look so much masculine. The hair on his chest was thicker, his shoulders broader and his arms stronger. I was ashamed of my flabby body. He offered that to me and I could only give him old pudding. Luckily my need to have sex with him was stronger than my worries.   
His cock was still half hard, and he, too, looked at me from head to toe, with a lustful and aroused look. His cock twitched and I could only smile and blush, like a teenager.  
  
His lips formed a sweet smile and he made a few steps to reach me, put his arms around me and his lips pressed against mine. Soft kisses turned to greedy lustfull ones and his hands trailed along my side to my butt and thigh. I thought he would linger there but he lifted my leg and I swung it around his waist. He lifted me on the armrest and now it was easy for me to wrap my legs around him. I leaned back into his hands and let him kiss my breasts. His tongue swirled around my nipples, my skin was burning and I felt a rising heat between my legs. He hold me with one hand on my back, the other follwed the tracks left by the kisses on my skin, on my breast up to my shoulders. He brushed his wet lips over the sensitive skin of my throat and I respond with a soft humm.  
  
I slipped into the chair and Adrian knelt in front of me. He put my legs on his shoulder, I slid down do adjust myself for him and then I watched as he devoutly stroked my pubic hair to the side and opened my folds. I was still sensitive and wet, I held my breath as he slid his fingers over me, carefully up and down, then leaned forward and began to lick my clit with his tongue. First he merely tickled with the tip of his tongue, but then he used rough surface, licked and sucked, so that I purred and hummed with relish.   
His own hand was between his legs and I heard working his cock, the sound of pushing his skin back and forth, the clapping of his balls against his hand. I imagined how that would look like if he touches himself and this image in my mind made me nearly come.   
  
"Adrian...wa...waaait..", I gasped and Adrian stopped, looked up and liked all of my wetness from his lips. I imagined it weird to see him licking it, but it was amazingly hot and I had struggle to focus on what I wanted to say.  
"I, uhm...I want to watch you..."  
"Wanna watch what?"  
I changed my position, sat down and leaned forward until my mouth nearly touched his ear.  
"I want to see how you make it to yourself..."  
  
It took seconds, but then he nodded and followed me as I got up to look for pillows and blankets. We sat down at some distance from each other, he leaned against the armchair and me against a cupboard, with pillows behind me.  
First it felt strange and I was afraid that it maybe kill the mood, but I was to excited to bring life to the image I had in my mind.   
It cost me quite an effort to start, but it had been my idea, so I spread my legs, opened my folds and started to draw small circles around my clit. Adrian kept an eye on every move I made, then he wraped his hand around his hard cock and moved it up and down.  
  
Slowly, I moved my fingers, spun, rubbed and pulled on my clit, watching Adrian how he looked at me as his hand speed up  and he squeezed his balls with his other hand and pulled them. His thumb glided over the tip of his cock and smeared the precum all over it.  
I was never a person who liked to suck dicks but this vision made me want to suck and swallow him.  
It really thilled me to see him like that. I covered my breast with my fingers, tugged my nipple, and squeezed hard so red ridges appeared on my skin. Adrian moved his hand ever faster, his muscles were tense and sweat glistened on his skin and his shaft was almost dark red. I spread my legs even further, I wanted him to lose his mind, and then I pushed two fingers inside of me with a loud moan. I closed my eyes and put my head back to savor this feeling.  
  
Suddenly all I heard was a "Fuck!" and Adrian jumped up and leaned over me.  
"Enough," he growled hoarsely. His forehead was on mine, his heavy breath on my lips and his cock touched my cunt eagerly. A blink of an eye later his hip meet mine, I took a deep breath when he pushed in deep and we groaned  from the depth of our throats. It was a sweet pain when I took him fully. I was already wet enough and realized how he widened, stretched and filled me completly.  
  
With my legs around his waist, I pushed him deeper and deeper with each thrust, loving the hardness  and moaned unrestrained, whimpering for more whenever our lips parted from our wild kisses. Sweaty skin and heavy breathing filled the room.  
  
I was so close, felt his cock getting bigger and harder in me and then he reached his climax. He groaned loudly and rough, some more deep thrusts and he filled me. I closed my eyes and found my own release some seconds later and enjoyed the feeling that flooded me, the tingling and the pulsing of the blood. Adrian collapsed on my chest, exhausted. Sweat dripped from his forehead to my chest and he was still breathing rapidly. His cock had lipped out and left a wet trail on my thigh. I felt dizzy, the air was warm, thick and the scent of sex was all around us.  
  
Lost in thought, Adrian caressed my breast and stroked his thumb over the nipple, watching as the skin contracted and tightened. It tickled and I smiled as I buried my hand in his hair.  
  
"You were too tempting, sorry." He mumbled.  
„It‘s okay. I enjoyed watching you.“  
„Yeah, I had a good view, too...you‘re a fierce woman, you know...so hot...I thought I would lost my mind...“  
„Saying things like that sound like you already did.“, I answered.  
„If this is the price I have to pay to make you mine, I would gladly lose my mind and heart to you.“


End file.
